Myy simple life

2011-09-19T07:04:00.002+08:00

Trip was real fun!
Learnt a great deal of things.
Next time can plan my own trip liao.

Okay i need to control my temper and be more tolerant.
Dont know why.
Cant seem to control certain thoughts and feelings well.
Is it cause these are all unfamiliar people?
Dont really like some of their personalities.
I mean, it's not like i have a very good character right?
Everyone has flaws.
Need to understand that.
Argh.
Dont really like changes in my life.
Right now everything is neww.
Kind of not used to it.
Oh well.
Perhaps i just need more time.

It's FREEZING here i want to cry.
Am suddenly thankful and grateful to my mum for forcing me to bring all these thick coats.
Kind of make me not want to bathe everyday.
But it's kinda gross.
Imagine all the dead cells accumulating on your body surfaces.
Ayeeee.
Just suck it up and bathe i guess.
Oh man.. so cold!
Wanna cuddle in my bed under the quilt and not get out of bed at all.
Arghhhh, not possible.

My right ankle-calf realy hurts a lot.
It's gotten worse.
Think it's cause i trip over things a few times while walking on the 2-weel trip.
Maybe sprain it a little?
Haven really given it time to recover.
How to?
Have to walk to a lot of places man.
It's swollen now goodness.
Oh man.
I hope it recovers soon.
:(

Argh SO COLD BRRRRRRRRRR.
Kinds miss people in singapore akready
:'(

2011-08-19T23:08:00.002+08:00

You will never understand how much hurt you've inflicted.
And whenever it comes to this,
how much i wish i could just disappear
And not be the punching bag.
Let's hope you wont realise
That a punching bag can eventually burst too
When you do more than just punching it.
You take a knife and cut it through and through.
And that's what you're really doing.
And when it burst,
will you ever regret?

I swear.
That i can go beserk.
And pull everything apart.
Dont make me.

2011-08-13T22:01:00.002+08:00

Holidays~
Wheeeeeee.
Working part time currently.
Pay's not that great, but ah well,
Work's quite simple,
Have got quite a few colleagues to talk cock with.
Oh well
at least it's something.

Am excited about flying off on 1st sept!
London riots are not stopping me
>:)
I foresee myself missing everyone here terribly.
Oh no..
Well,
it's not as if i'm going for SO LONG.
(kinda feels long though)
Aiya, see how laa.

Rowing these days.
Quite painful
I cant run
I cant row properly
I think it's good to take a break for a while
I know it'll take really long to get everything back.
But, let's worry about that till then then.
Enjoy life first! =x

Chao stomach refuse to recover.
Is it cause i dont take dinner sometimes?
Damnit.
Shall just keep popping pills.
Ah wellllll.

2011-08-01T22:33:00.004+08:00

Hadn't had a proper MEAL since i touch down.
Goodness, it's been what, 3 days alrdy.
Dont know.
Just dont have the appetite for anything
No rice, no noodles, no nothing.
Totally dont feel like eating.
Strangely, my gastric isn't acting up
Which is a good thing!
I dont even feel hungry when i wake up.
Weird.
Is it cause i eat too much in Netherlands?
Hmm, quite unlikely.
Hope i can start eating properly again.

Mum's birthday today.
Had a row with my sister just now.
Luckily mum didn't hear.
There are things i just dont understand about her.
What is going on inside her head exactly?
I'll never understand.
Sigh.
What can I do to get everyone to understand things.
I cant.
Dont know what to do.
I want to run away.

Soon.

2011-07-21T10:14:00.004+08:00

Mum was sharing with me some yin and yang story
I get what she's driving at.
I guess she's afraid cause both my sisters' love life is like O.O
And mine is just X.X
She's worried if I'm for yin instead

But oh well.
Not that it's a good thing for them.
They're both a mess really.
Looking at them and some of my friends,
it really doesn't give me much faith in relationships
So why bother right.
Save all the quarrellingcryingshoutingsadness right
I've seen enough.
And i really dont want to go through all that
I mean,
it's nice to have someone..
But going through shit TWICE is enough for me
Kind of not want to put myself in such messes again
It sucks.
To be played a fool first and go through nonsense for the second
And oh well
UNI+DB NO TIME LAA

Ya so back to the yin and yang thing
Like what the hell right
She made it so awkward in a way
I just said i'm not looking for ANYTHING right now
Who knows what will happen in the future right.
Nobody can say for sure.
Oh well.
I really dont know.
Not really worrying abt it anyway.
I'll just wait.
Meantime enjoy every moment of singlehood :)

Finally handover aph stuffs to the rest!
I dont feel very relieved though.
Cause the future is worrying.
And i really dont know how to go about improving things.
I still wanna be there for everyone.

But aye.
I want a break from my family a while.
It's a selfish thought.
But i feel so frustrated and unhappy many times.
And i cant really tell it to people.
Cause no one will understand.
I always wonder why i'm so troubled
Is it cause i'm just such a person?
I need to stop thinking so much.

Let's go and see some windmills! :D

2011-07-17T11:13:00.005+08:00

No one's online for me to disturb.
Life is so boring.
Wonder where's everyone.
I'm like scrapbooking diligently at home.

Went to run this morning.
Haven been exercising for a while.
Feels nua.
Wanted to do an hour run but I couldn't.
Ran 13 rounds in 33 mins.
Goodness.
That's really slow.
While running today, the song 'stereo hearts' was playing and i noticed the song was playing especially slow.
I dont know why.
Now it sounds okay leh.
It was like i was listening it in slow-motion.
Weird.
Then at the 10th round, I could feel my stomach churning.
Haven had breakfast.
How to eat and then go run?
I'll get stitches please.
But yeah, I could feel my gastric acting up again.
Damn.
I never had gastric like these few months.
I guess the break between meals were too longg.
Sigh.
Usually i can stay up whole morning without eating anything.
Now i cant.
Ran till i couldn't anymore then walk a bit.
Did push ups (cui)
Did abs but my gastric got worse after the first set so i had to stop.
Life sucks!
Cut down on rice these few days.
I'm below 50 now! woohoo.
Shall continue to exercise.
But i'm gonna be so busy these few days.
Goodness.
Let's see.

Today
Run---------------------DONE
Bathe May May---------DONE
Bugis to do isic card
Shopping for clothes D:
PACK for AMSTERDAM
Settle travel insurance
Fix my specs
Deposit lots of $$
Scrapbook

Monday
WORK
Call celine to see when i can meet her
SAO

Tuesday
WORK

Wednesday
Meet up for scrapbook
Physio
Meet up with all aphs for handover WOOTS.

Thursday
Flying off to amsterdam at nightttt wheeeee

Oh man.
I wanna watch transformers though.
How to squeeze time in?!
By the time i come back, i dont think it's showing anymore.
Maybe i could watch it on the plane?
:(
Kinda wanna meet up with everyone :(

Oh man, my gastric is acting up again.
Shall go swallow pills now damn.
I'm not going to let it spoil my day!!
>:(

2011-07-15T23:58:00.004+08:00

I just pulled myself out of my dream.
In the dream something/someone really frightening was gonna appear.
I wanted to run away so much from it when it appears that i couldn't breathe for a while and started gasping till i was awake.
Could hear may may barking at my sudden gasping noises.
She barks to foreign noises she hears when she's sleeping.
Think i gave her a scare.
Awww.
-hugs may may-
My heart's still beating really fast now.

Alright let's just breatheeee.

Today i pulled a young schoolgirl from a closing mrt door.
The train was really packed and i was standing near the doorway.
When i looked up, i noticed her shoulders were too far out.
The next thing i know,
the door closed and i immediately went ahead and pulled her in
But her shoulders got hit a little still.
Wonder how the people around her failed to see that.
It was so obvious she was gonna got kiaped.
Almost half of her body was hanging out.
Oh well.
She was very grateful.
She thanked me and thanked me again after she got off.

It felt kinds good to help someone.
Haha.
I've always like to help strangers in need.
Especially old people.
Maybe cause i feel i've let down mine.
I dont know.
Maybe.
I'm always filled with guilt when they thanked me and say what a kind girl I am.
Cause i know i aint.
Not to my ah ma.
Someone who has raised me up for almost all my life.
I still want her to rmb me yknow.
I dont want her to ever forget me.
I've always been the closest to her.
We will play the piano for hours,
draw lots of random stuffs.
She always like to edit our drawings.
I still keep some of them.
Though the adults threw away most of them,
saying there's no point keeping.
We will listen to songs with my little player.
Sometimes when i see that she's bored,
I will turn on the tv and play the operas for her and force her to sit and watch.
She always say she's busy and she cant watch.
But i know she wants to :)
When i reach home from school,
I'd always look forward to lunch cause she'd cooked my favourite dishes.
Even though it's just some simple dishes,
no one can cooked it like she can.
It never taste the same.
Too bad.
I cant eat them anymore now..unless..
Oh well.
I'll ll always rmb the taste of my ah ma's dishes.

I'll never forgive myself for the times i treated her badly.
Like getting frustrated with her.
It aint her fault.
She's old.
And i keep telling myself that.
But i couldn't control my anger.
As time goes by, the more i try to swallow everything down,
the more depressed i get.
Cause i hated myself for feeling so frustrated with her when i'm not supposed to.
Many times i wanted to go and apologise to her.
But it's so hard.
She's very forgiving.
Despite all that has happened,
she continue to take care of us,
even though it's not the right way to do so.
but cause she's old.
And my dad's real sick.
Since young he has had issues with her.
It's one of our family dark secrets.
I guess I could understand why dad's temper like that.
It aint his fault he's like that.
I love him no matter how he is.
Cause he's my father,
and he has donw everything he can for his family and then for us.
Even though..
Woah.
I should stop.
This is never going to end.

Adults.
I dont want to be like them in the future.
Yet I'm growing up to be.

Oh well,
let's stop all the unhappy thoughts.
It's the holidays!
And i'm going amsterdam.
Like soon.
Should totally enjoy it.

Hmm.
Well, i'm kinda missing people alrdy :(

2011-07-04T02:31:00.002+08:00

Dont know.
Suddenly feel like things are moving way too fast.
I mean,
I'm glad it's the end of the season,
but so many of them are leaving
soon some of us as well
Some people, when they leave,
they completely disappear,
like total detachment.
I dont want people disappearing like that.
Then again.
I might do the same thing in the future.
Who knows?

Well, what will come will come.
I just hope we made everything worth it.

I dont quite like changes.
I know we all have to adapt right.
But I have a lot of "what ifs" on my mind right now.

2011-06-29T10:08:00.007+08:00

Staying positive no matter what happens.
That's not easy i swear.
Been trying, still trying.

Less than 2 weeks to the final showdown
I really wish my body can keep this up.
Gastric has been a pain,
thank god it's better now.
Injuries here and there.
Sleep has been a problem.
Ignoring everything for now.
Please keep this up for me dear body.
I'll take proper care of you when i'm done with this.
I promise.
C'mon
Just.A.Little.While.More.

I believe we can..

2011-06-13T00:04:00.002+08:00

Sleep paralysis.

Been getting that for days now.
It sucks max.
Been sick for close to a week now.
Not that i dont want to recover,
If i can sleep a lot more, i will.
I wanna recover..
Damnn..

I guess i can understand why.
Argh.
Life sucks.

2011-06-04T00:36:00.002+08:00

And what if I'm not here?
What will happen?
I'm not set on going yet.
I'm ready to just.. stay on.
Running for a while to take a breather is good.
But it'll be pointless if i constantly worry about what's going to happen here.
Anyway, staying on for dragonboat would be good too.
I dont want to run away but i want to.
I dont want to stay but i need to.
There's always so many conflicting thoughts.
I'm so tired.
Can i dont think about all this now.
Can people just leave me alone?
Leave me be until i'm ready to make a decision.
I dont want to make any decisions yet.
Not yet, not now.
Not here, not there.
Waves and waves after waves of problems.
Why is it so hard just to enjoy peace?
Is this a test to let us understand what peace really is?
If yes then I believe i've learnt it well already.
Enough is enough.
I cant do this anymore.
Yet i can.
One day if i break down, what will happen?
I cant.
I wont.
I can still hang on.
Let's just wait until sept.
Am i a irresponsible self-centered selfish individual who knows only to think about myself?

2011-03-25T01:04:00.002+08:00

Repression.
Reaction formation.
Projection.
Regression.
Displacement.
Compensation.
Rationalization.
Sublimation.
Denial.

2011-03-24T16:58:00.002+08:00

Do you sometimes dream into a state,
where you are in the midst of doing a task,
and when you woke up,
you actually felt the responsibility to go back,
back to sleep
back to the dream
to finish completing the task?
And sometimes when you get too cropped up with it,
that you did actually went back
and just forgot about the fact that it's just a dream after all?

Or when falling back into the sleep halfway,
then you realise that you're actually dreaming,
and suddenly you felt like a burden's off your shoulders
and it was silly to want to go back to the dream again.

That's where we wake up,
and face the responsibilities in our lives.

Sometimes, no matter how much you wanna feel like the burden's off your shoulders,
(like the feeling you get when the responsibilites in the dream are shrinked off)
it's just wishful thinking.

It will never happen.

Reality check.

Well, if you cannot change something, learn to live with it.

You'll be hanging in this mess far longer than the time you expect it to end.
Some things never go away.
Live with it.

I can
(I cant)

Tml's the court hearing.
Mum ask if i want him as my brother.
I'm always creating more messes for my mum than she can handle.
She knows she cant handle,
but she feels she has to do it for him
and for me.
Cause I've always treated him like my own brother.
And yes i would very much like to have him as my brother.
But only if he's willing to change.
And not create more problems for my mum.
Oh well,
it cannot be my decision.
It's my parents'.

Maybe being happy makes me empty.

2011-03-04T00:59:00.003+08:00

I'm a heartless person. i'm a heartless person. One day i'll regret the things i do, the words i said, i'll cry even harder than i do now. I dont want to be a heartless person. I have to be a heartless person. I cant vent my frustration on anything. I'm down to my lowest once again. Why am i so useless. Why cant i help him? Why cant i do anything right. Why cant i make everyone around me happy. Why do i get the things i dont deserve. What would it be if i'm in his shoes. Will i make the same mistakes he did, would i turn out the way he is now? Can i change anything now? Is it too late for anything? What if something bad really happens? Will i be ever to face myself for not being able to do the right thing? I hate this. I hate it when i see this side of him. When i cant change his thinking. I've failed. I'm a failure in everything. I dont wanna do anything anymore. i'm a heartless being.

2011-02-11T01:39:00.003+08:00

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I'M GOING CRAZY.
I CANNOT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE.
I CANNOT GET MY WORDS ACROSS.
I CANNOT HELP SOMEONE WHEN I'M DETERMINED ENOUGH.
I WANT TO GIVE UP ON YOU.
BUT YOU REFUSED TO LET ME STOP WORRYING
OR RATHER, I CANT STOP WORRYING.
YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABT HOW YOU'LL AFFECT ME WHEN YOU SAY STUFFS.
YOU NEVER CARE HOW MUCH TEARS I SHED FOR YOU.
YOU DONT CARE THAT I CARE.
THAT WE CARE. YOU DONT.
YOU NEVER DO.
I'M SICK OF THIS.
I'VE ENOUGH ON MY HANDS ALRDY.
I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS OF MY OWN.
YET I STILL BOTHER ABT YOURS.
WHY CANT YOU HELP ME HELP YOURSELF.
WHY CANT YOU THINK LIKE A 19 YEAR OLD.
I'M SO SICK OF THIS.
I REALLY CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE
I SWEAR I WILL GO CRAZY ONE DAY.

2011-01-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

I'm suddenly tired again.
My shoulder feels weird.
Oh well.

I look at you and i feel really sad.
Cause no matter how i try,
nothing seems to change.
I'm tired already.
I wish you can let me off.
Then again,
I wont want to give up.
Cause even if the whole world gives up on you,
I still want to be here for you.
But you never understand my intentions.
And it's not helping with how i put it across.
I dont know how.
Help me to help you.

I'm tired.
How long can i keep this up?

I want to run away from everything.

2011-01-20T00:57:00.002+08:00

Today i realise anyone can enlighten you.
Even young children.
Even a baby.
Even someone you never thought could.
Well, basically,
anyone but yourself.
And i hate this fact.
Godddd i really do need to do a lot of self-reflection.
I've been wrong about a lot of things all along.
Wrong.
Why do i lose my temper so easily.
I have anger issues.
Maybe it's since young.
If i'm able to sleep properly maybe it wouldn't happen.
Feel so cranky in the morning when i dream too much at night.
I will solve this problem when i have the money.
Then again,
not sleeping well may just be another excuse.

I should go apologize.
and deal with things in a better way.
no more complaints.
Just do things willingly and everyone will be happier.
A bit.

Maybe.

Beats trying nothing.

Ughh.

2010-12-28T20:17:00.002+08:00

I'm trying to save a life here.

And frankly speaking, i'm not sure if i can.

The easiest way for you to run away from everything once and for all..
is DEATH.
But then that is the stupidiest and most irresponsible thing anyone can do.
Cause you dont care that others care about you.
To want to help you.
Yet you choose to get stuck there and not trying the slightest effort to freed yourself.
So what, you feel you're in such a sorry plight that the whole world should give in to you?
The world is cruel.
You can only blame fate for what has happened.
You CANNOT blame anyone else.
It is your rope to climb.
What i'm trying to do is get you to continue to climb this rope and go on up.
Instead of swinging and swinging nonstop hoping you'll eventually reach the top one day.
It is not going to happen.
Hardwork goes a long way.
But eventually,
if you put your heart and soul into it,
i believe your hardwork will pay off.
You just gotta keep climbing.

Please.
Hang onto the part where you last let go years ago and continue climbing.
Cause if you dont,
I will always and forever blame myself.

2010-12-27T11:35:00.003+08:00

Sea levels are not rising because of melting ice bergs at the poles.

Not.

Think about this analogy.
You have a cup of water and you add ice to it till it's full to the brim.
When the ice melts, does the water overflow?
It doesn't!
Cause the level of the water is already inclusive of that of the ice.

So the current sea level is already the one which is carrying the weight of all the ice bergs earth has.

Man, I wanna borrow that book from yixin damn badly.

It says that rising sea levels are cause of the expansion of water that is being heated up from the surface of the core at the bottom of the sea.

This book sorts of opposes what Al Gore says or is trying to do.

I believe what Al Gore did was right all along, until what yixin told me.

I guess it's not about who is right and who's not.

Sometimes it's just what you choose to believe.

Nothing is ever absolutely right or wrong.
This is what i hate about science.
This could be possible, that could also be possible..
How can we ever be set on one thing.
Maybe cause there are things we're not destined to know.
If the great one created us, he must have been real busy creating explanations for what has happened which humans have the capacity to find out with all our wonderous inventions.
And he has to create it far before we realise it.
Or maybe..
Everything happened by nature?
I mean it's quite true isn't it?
Nature cause this to appear and cause that to vanish.
That's what i like about Darwin's evolution theory.
Everything descent with modifications.
And i choose to believe him cause it makes sense to me.
But out in the world,
i also believe that there are things that dont make sense to people.
Like how the mechanism of the black hole doesn't.
The physics behind it don't make sense.
C'mon, you know it doesn't.
Yet we try means and ways of making things sound "SENSE" to us.
Because when everything makes sense, we can live better.

Understanding of explanations to everything.
How perfect life would be.

It's nice to make people see the "sense" in things.
But i try terribly hard.
Yet sometimes it's being intepreted in the way i dont want it to be.
I want them to understand what i understand.
I'm selfish cause i believe what i understand is right.
I want to control everyone's thoughts to be like my own.
If only i have the ability to do that.

If only..

Then again that wouldn't be right.

2010-12-14T21:12:00.004+08:00

I have decided... not to celebrate my 21st.

Oh well, it's nothing much right,
just another birthday.
Nothing special about it.
I just want a happy dinner with the whole family,
that's all i want :)

Depressing days in hall.
I'm not even one week down yet.
23dec seems so far away eh.

Life sucks.

2010-12-02T09:32:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling like crap.

Hurting very badly.

I wish for a miracle.

Help.

2010-12-01T21:03:00.002+08:00

I'm not vulnerable.
I'm strong.
I can still hold everything together.
I just wish it's not another mistake which could be avoided if i had done something earlier.
Now there's no turning back of things.
I fear what will happen in the future.
I cried to myself when i think about it.
I'm sorry i have to hide things.
Sometimes white lies are unavoidable.

Why do bad things keep happening?

I need strength to keep myself going.
And they need me to keep them going.
I cannot fall.
I cant.

I'm really scared.

2010-11-10T10:07:00.002+08:00

Great-grandma passed away yesterday morning.
Heard from mum that she pulled the tube away herself during the night.
Her heart stopped soon after and she's gone.

I guess she knew it was time for her to leave.
I just hoped that she went away peacefully.

I'm sure she did :)

Goodbye tai ma.
We'll miss you.

2010-10-07T10:02:00.002+08:00

Quizes, project, datelines to met yada yada.

Such a depressing life.

On top of that,
i sense my injury coming back.
Life is bad.
Why do i always push in the wrong way :(
Cant afford to be injured now.

Everything is so so depressing.
Oh well.
Weekends are coming.
I miss my family.

On a sidenote,
Maybe all these are good in a way.
Make me cherish my family more.

I hope so.

That someday I'll float away
Over the sunrise
And leave this whole crazy world behind
I'll head straight for the stars
Somewhere on the way
I know I'll meet ya
And carry on with your hand in mine
'Cause you're the keeper of my heart

2010-10-04T14:31:00.002+08:00

I realised what mum said is true.

No matter how much i eat,
i'll still continue snacking and snacking till i feel like puking.
I know it is not right,
but i cant help it.
I no longer have any self control over this.
And mum told me why yesterday.
Truth is,
there's a hole inside me that i try to fill desperately.
I haven't been happy.
For months now.
Eating a little snacks keep me happy for that moment.
In an attempt to lengthen that moment,
i snack compulsively.
That's why.
Eating allows me to escape from all the problems and worries at hand for a little while.
It feels good.
But it is bad.
To minimize this, i refused to buy any snacks whilst in hall.
I hope it helps,
but it just makes me more depressed.
This is crazy.
What should i do?

I know cause i saw.
I see through your intentions.
And hell no,
you're never getting close ever.
I hope you've stopped leading that kind of life.
Pretending to be when you're not all the time.
That is hypocrisy.
And it aint fair to those around you who oughta know.
Just what kind of person you really are.

2010-09-16T00:42:00.002+08:00

Shouldnt judge shouldn't judge yet.
Must see for myself first.
I wish i could be more neutral.
Must be must be must be!
-determined-

Suddenly filled with a lot of homework.
Slack off first 2 weeks jiu like that..
Life is bad!
Hope my level water heater gets fixed soon,
i'll be happier.

I should call her soon.
Dont procrastinate!
What if one day she forgets about me?
I'll regret it i know.
Will try to call tomorrow.

I miss home.
It's never the same anymore.
Maybe this is for the better.
I dont know.
When i packed all her stuffs with the rest,
i was overwhelmed by the stuffs she keeps.
Flashbacks of childhood.

I miss everything when i was young.
I really do.

I could have tried harder to set things right.
Couldn't I?

2010-09-04T00:13:00.003+08:00

I noticed it when i was young,
but thought nothing of it.
As years grew by,
i just forgot about it.
And it came back looking for us yesterday.
Looking for me too.

Dark secrets i never realised.

Today, i learnt about an unfortunate event.
It happened before i was born.
It wasn't anybody's fault.
But it's really depressing
Cause things could have turned out differently.
Guilt-ridden.
No use saying that now.

I guess it's going to take a while for all of us to move on.
I just wish i could step away from dragonboat before things are settled down.
Dont know how long it will take.

Have you ever been through every single day of your life outside worrying about whatever might happened at home?
It's so tiring.
But i cant help it.

Help me.
I'm scared.

But I need to stay strong.

Please.

All of them mean the world to me.

2010-09-03T11:51:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry i wasn't home.

After training i called.
When i heard my sister crying badly on the phone,
I wanted to dash home straight away.
I thought something really terrible had happened.
My heart just stopped beating for a while.
And i couldn't stop crying.
Thank god ah yi was there.
She told me not to worry.
Even after putting down the phone,
i just sat there and cried loudly for god knows how long.
I didn't dare to call home after that.
I was so scared.
I dont know how i'll ever grow stronger.
But i have to.
For my siblings.
Fo my parents.
Things are different now.
We only have each other.
Plus a little others who understand our pain.
Those who cant turn away from us.
It just isn't the same family i grew up in anymore.
And i dont know what to do to bring everyone back,
back together.

Why must things turn out like this?
I dont want to go home but i have to.
I need to see how things are.

I'm sorry i cant be a good granddaughter.
I'm really sorry.

2010-08-30T23:57:00.002+08:00

Give me strength to carry on.

Things not settled.
School's starting now.
How can i move on without worrying at all?
Anything,
Anytime,
something might happen.
What if i'm not there and things get out of hand?
I'm scared.
They dont see what we're living with.
They have no right to judge,
To criticize us like that.
How can everyone suddenly become so distant?
We're what?
Total strangers??
It's so heart wrenching.

Still painful to hang on, painful to let go.

Things can never go back to normal.
I'm hurting badly.
I just wish there is a better solution.
You all never understand how we feel..
how I FEEL.

2010-08-12T23:44:00.003+08:00

YOG rehearsals suck shit.
Everyone's cranky,
but i still feel okay,
just look forward to the fireworks!
*pray there'll be fireworks*
It's been years since i saw fireworks.
No, i dont wanna see it on tv.

It's not okay recently.
But i dont care.
Ahaha.

I know, i know.
Just wanna say it's not you, it's me.
Oh well.
Already said before.

I CANT PLEASE EVERYBODY.

Give me a break.
Hell.
*Pukes blood*

A lot of issues at hand.
One answer will come on the night of yog.
Part of me want to be around to hear, part of me dont.
I feel really bad.
I can never set things right.
Much as i want to.
Guess it has to come to this.
And i really cant bear to.
Mum's really stress over this.
They'll say it's not right, but we gotta do this.
They dont understand the pain.
Painful to hang on, painful to let go.

If you cannot change something, live with it.
How many can actually do that?
Definitely not stubborn people.

Hell.
Life is total shit right now.

2010-08-06T23:15:00.001+08:00

Well, i dont really know how to put this.

Wellll, just let me recover first.

Damn.

Oh well.

Gonna catch up with old friends soon.

It's been a whileeee x)

2010-07-20T00:37:00.003+08:00

Went for physio!
Fell asleep a little when he left the hot pack on my shoulders.
I remember murmuring things.
o.O
Wellll.
I can feel my right shoulder/rotatory cuff getting better A LOT.
BUT
Cause i haven't been stretching and ignoring the left side,
now the left side hurts!
But it's okay.
I'm sure it'll get well.
Think i didn't push correctly for yesterday's training.
I'm seriously aching like sai.
Counterpain counterpain counterpainnnn.

After physio i went to get my WATCH.
Woohoo.
It's just what i wanted.
I went to shop aloneeee.
Bought quite a lot of stuffs.
Then my sister got 2 free movie tickets.
Went with mum.
To watch the CRAZIES.
Wth.
It was really funny at the cinema.
Think we're really alike.
I was covering my ears for quite a number of scenes and when i turn to look at mum,
she's doing exactly the same thing!
We both laughed at each other.
Mum tend to have the habit of making exclamative noises when something shocking happens, so it's really quite embarrassing at the theatre.
My sister KNEW and she purposely got mum to watch this show with ME and lied to her and told her it's a comedy but it's actually a horror thriller.
She is the ultimate horrid assss.
Oh well.
It was kinda fun though.
Aha.

Accomplished a lot today :)

Okay gonna sleep early and let my muscles heal.
Gonna plan iternary for macau tomorrow with the rest!
Am kind of worried.
What if i SLEEP TALK in macau?
I didn't in penang though.
Hopefully wont in macau.
-prays-

Oh well.
It's really not a choice sometimes.

2010-07-17T00:36:00.002+08:00

Think mum's serious about being a vegetarian.
Dad too.
Well, it's good for him anyway.
Just hope he's able to control and watch his diet well.
It's not easy for him.
And i understand how torturous it is.
Maybe i should do it together with him.
In the long run, it'll be good for me too right?
Hmm.

Just want everyone to be happy :)

And you.
Dont know if you'll come here but urm,
Dont be silly already.
Focus on what's most important now.
You're still a little girl.
There are still a lot you have to learn.
Really hope you can see that.
Give it time.
Maybe after some time,
you'll find that all these are pretty silly.
Probably not really worth it.
When you're able to let the hardest thing go,
you 'll see,
things will become easier to cope with afterwards.
Oh well.
You'll see.

I guess the best way for you to learn is to let you fall down real hard.
Ain't it?

2010-07-15T23:18:00.004+08:00

A walk to remember.

One of my first bittersweet romance novel.
Back in secondary school??
Hmm.
Dont really read a lot of romance books though.
Aha.
But this one's not bad.
Where rainbows end is not bad too :)

Recently i discovered they made a movie out of this boooook.
Like during the time when i read that book -.-"
I wannnna watchhhhhh.
Wonder if i can search it on shuangtv.
Haha.
Kinda addicted to some of their soundtracks.

Switchfoot- You

Oh and dancing in the moonlight.
Yeah, yeah, i may be slow.
But music is never out of date kay!
Music is great!
Helps us cope with a lot of emotions.

Sometimes,
just listening to the right music,
can help to ease away a lot of sadness.
Help to bring up our optimism levels in a way.
Not sure how though.
Guess it may be because you found something you can relate to at that moment?
Whatever you're feeling.
Feels good to have someone sing out exactly what you're feeling.
Cause i guess sometimes you dont even know what you're feeling exactly.
Sometimes,
you just dont feel right,
like you're out of place,
confused without a purpose,
or you feel high on drugs for no reason.
Get it? No?
Oh well.

How people can live without music,
I simply cannot understand.
But, oh well.
There are many things i'm not understanding anyway.
Trying to understand some things.
Like how people can settle for something less than what they wanted.
Instead of fighting for it.
Cause you just cant get it, see?
No matter how much you want it.
So you have to let go.
And just move on.
There are far better things awaiting.
Yeah, kinda seeing a lot of that lately.
Seeing people settling for the less.
Guess they are just tired of trying and trying.
...

Oh well.
Went to make new specs today!
Woots.
Gonna watch my sister's keeper now!
Since the book's so boring i'm only halfway through it.
I'm gonna give up and watch the movie instead.
Aha.

2010-07-14T12:37:00.002+08:00

Trying to make a new blogskin.
What happened to microsoft frontpage?!?!
Cant seem to find it.
Dont know what's the new office tool that replaced it.
Arghhhhhh.
I'm angsty.
I'm cranky.
*Spits fire balls*

Spent the past few days spamming movies at home.
Life is good!
Whoop whoop.
Felt sinful thinking about all the food eaten.
Went running yesterday.
Aha.

Oh well.
What's gonna come is coming soon.
x.x

Stupid frontpage!
#$#%!@$!@%#$#%

2010-07-09T22:55:00.004+08:00

Spent the whole of today crying as i did weishan's gift.
Didn't expect it to be so tedious!
Didn't turn out as nice as i thought.
Oh well.
Let's hope she appreciate it.
Haha.
Almost done with it.
Getting mum to help me with the finishing touches tomorrow.
Ahaha.

Saw 2 rainbows at bedok on our last training day.
It's a good sign :)
Tomorrow is ALMOST HERE.
It's gonna be so exciting!
My back is ready.
I'm READY.
Let's hope ah hee will put me in the small boat.
I really really enjoy being in the small boat! :D
I think i'm more suited to be in the small boat.
Oh well.
Whether i get to row or not, IT'S OKAY.
We're ONE TEAM.
We'll win as one.
ROW HEART(HARD).

Alrights.
SHALL SLEEP EARLY.
Goodnights world.
See you IN ABOUT 7 HOURS TIME.
I CANT WAIT.

2010-07-08T00:03:00.003+08:00

So i've been out whole day with my brother today.
Haven't been out with him, or rather, even see him+ talk to him in weeks.
How he'll grow up as a person, will depend on us.
And my sister isn't doing a good job.
Glad i made him happier today.
Though i might just made someone unhappy.
I wish i could just please everybody.
But i cant.
Oh well.

And i've figured what i wanna do for my buds!
Hopefully i have the time + it'll turn out nice.
*prays*

It's back it's back it's back.
Life sucks.
I thought everything was going to be alright already.
Sucks to be me.

When will everything ever be back to normal?

2010-07-07T12:57:00.002+08:00

Bringing my brother to the movies today.
He got into a row with mum in the morning cause he didn't wanna go to school.
Mum felt bad and told me to accompany him for today.
Welllllll,
since i'm so free,
AND SCRAPBOOKING IS OFF MY HANDS now,
WHY NOT?
Hopefully my little sister will be free laters.
Getting my cousin too.

Hmm.
Feel like doing something for weishan.
Need to think.
Arghhh.
Oh well,
Anything BEATS scrapbooking.

Let's check out movie timings now!
x)

2010-07-04T09:04:00.004+08:00

As i tied my own french braid yesterday,
I thought of the time when shuyan and I would stare in amazement when you tie your french braids during lecture.
We just wont pay attention and watch how you tie it.
And that's how i learnt to tie my own french braid!
So thank you Michelle.
And goodbye.
I'll remember you as you were, not when you left.
:)

We are NOT BEING WHINY.
Other people bond more during scrapbooking.
I think our group kills relationships more.
Oh well, i think i bond a lot with yixin already.
TOO MUCH.
(Are you reading this yixin?!)
Me and yx can actually recite the whole book out.
What's in this, this, followed by this page.
Pretty cool.

Oh well, we're finally left with twenty-freaking-two pages.
*Prays hard we can complete on time*
Scrapbooking is taking its toll on both of us.
We've been scrapbooking almost, well, every night.
Before i sleep, i worry as i do.
Cause this is supposed to be a 4-man show,
but now, it's almost like a 2-man show.
Whatever man!
LET'S FINISH THIS.
Still got VIDEO.

PM is so near it's starting to freak me out.
I know i shouldn't be scared.
I know i'm not near the rest of them since i just started training officially.
It's not an excuse.
This wont put me down.
I'll try some more.
I'll try a lot more.

And oh yes that, urm, i'll leave it till whatever i'm busy with is over.
For now, let it come and go as it wishes.
Wont let it affect me.
Not now.

2010-07-02T00:57:00.002+08:00

It's like a short class gathering today.
We talked, laughed, joke a bit.
Hopefully she heard and laughed along with us.
Just like back in jc days.
We all drift apart for so long.
But still managed to talk pretty easily.
I guess some things never change.

It's heartbreaking to look at him though.
To be separated like this.
He tried to smile and joke along with us.
But we all know he's putting on a brave front.
Guess we wont understand how he feels.
Let's hope he is able to get through this.
Just need some time.

Hopefully we can organise another class outing before school starts and catch up more.
I do miss all the funny crap from everyone.

Thanks for laughing at my jokes and playing along with me and the rest back in the days.
Thanks for being my friend.
We'll miss you.
You'll be in a happy place now :)

I hope you had the time of your life.

2010-06-25T23:55:00.003+08:00

Today is a happy day! :D:D:D:D:D

Went to popular to get some stationaries and bought a new DIARY book which is really colourful. Told myself this will fill my life brimming with colours = exciting!

From now on, my entries will no longer be dull and boring..yuck.

My back feels BETTER AND BETTER.
Training is going to be a BLAST tomorrow.

And and, scrapbooking is no longer filled with TENSION.
It's funnn today.
Hope it'll stay this way.
*Keeps fingers crossed*

I'm pretty happy today, so i'm going to end this entry with this picture i got from google images when i typed in "Rainbow".

Woot woot.

Am going to change my blogskin to something COLOURFUL after i finish scrapbook x)

Shall KO for the night in a while.

2010-06-24T17:59:00.003+08:00

Saw dad opening the letterbox today.
I'm always excited when someone opens the letterbox.
Everytime i'll ask dad if there's a letter for me,
and he will look and say "Who will want to write a letter for you?!"
Surprisingly, there IS a letter for me today.
So i began to hyperventilate when he passed it to me.
And then i stopped.
Cause it's just the phone bill from singtel.
Oh well.
The excitment was shortlived but it beats having none.
Dont ask me why i'm eager about receiving letters.
I just am :D
The idea of someone who cares to take the trouble to sit down and write you a letter to send you is simply wonderful.
But nowadays people dont write letters to each other anymore.
It's kind of sad.
I'll be the one who will continue to do it.
Well, in the future :)
When people have totally forgotten about me, they'll open their letterbox one day and see my letter addressed to them!
It's kind of fun.

Physio is just another painful experience.
But i think i'm getting used to the pain.
I feel better.
Will rest for today and tomorrow.
And i'll be back in action on SATURDAY.
I CANT WAIT.

Be Excited.

Am going to nap a while.
Will go central with mum to fix my phone later,
like finally.
Haha.

Woot woot.

2010-06-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

MAY MAY.

Tell me why you're sooo sooo greeeeedy!
Never satisfied with any amount of food we give you.
Always sniffing round the dustbins trying to grab a pinch of leftovers.
Always giving those kind of you-have-been-starving-me-for-weeks-chao-owner-GIVE-ME-FOOD-NOWS look.
It doesn't work on me,
but you sneaky eeky you know it works on my ah ma and my dad!
You're getting heavier by the weeks!
It's like you're no longer a chihuahua!
What are you!?
And i highly doubt you're pregnant!
Bon bon doesn't have the capability =x
Speaking of bon bon,
WHY are you always bullying him!
Till he hide under the sofa whinning for his mum for help.

Cant standddd you!

But i love you nonetheless.

But stop eating already laa!

Foodbannn you then you know.

2010-06-19T23:49:00.002+08:00

I've got a lot of catching up to do.
Really a lot.
No good, no good.
Might not have the opportunity already.
Arghhhhh.

Saw a very unexpected face on friday.
Just waved and walked off.
Didn't go ahead and greet.
Dont want to.
A stranger forever and always.
It's best this way.

Life goes on.

2010-06-18T00:36:00.002+08:00

Many things,
People dont even need to try,
to be able to do,
And i have to try so hard.
I cant do it like them.
It just comes.. so naturally from them.
Why am i so different?
Hate the fact that i'm weird in these ways.
Why do i need to try so hard?
Cant make sense.
Cant be like the rest.
Need to try to fit in somewhere.
I dont know.
But i know i'm tired.
Just wanna sit there,
dont move,
dont think.
No stress.

Just what is wrong with me?
Upset.
Stupid expectations.
Stupid faces.

It's so cold.

2010-06-16T23:29:00.005+08:00

I dont want things to remain this way.
Tried to be nice.
But she seems to be angry still.
Seriously, why not just let it go and move on?
It was a small matter to begin with.
It's childish if you wanna harp on it.
It's difficult to do scrapbook together like this.
I'll forget about it.
I'll swallow everything down.
I'll be patient.
I will try.
I promised yx.

It sucks to have people who dislike you.

Oh well.
Weeeeeeeee.

2010-06-15T02:10:00.002+08:00

From now on,
I'll try to take things easily.
I'll try not to be mad,
and not to flare up.
Because i realised that everytime i get real mad,
something bad happens to people around me.
I know there is no link between me getting pissed and bad things happenning.
I dont wanna take any more chances.
And i dont want people around me to get hurt like that,
Cause i cant bear to.
I feel helpless when things such as these happen to my friends.

C is really scary.
We're just too lucky.
But you'll never know when it'll strike.
Life's too short to be unhappy.

Live it out loud.

2010-06-14T00:23:00.002+08:00

Oh great.
Just wonderful.
Look what I've done.
I just dug my own grave today.

Just when i was about to change my opinion about you.
We caught you in a foul temper today.
I'm just sorry i promised yixin that i'll not flare up during scrapbooking.
You overshot my anger limit.
Dont know where i got the courage from.
I guess it's because you're flaring over a small peanut size matter.
Because you're not in a good mood?
Is it reasonable to vent it out on us?
I've never met someone like you in my life.
Well, maybe I'm not used to your type of character.

Dont think it's because nobody dares to,
that's why you can push us around.
It's because we wanna make peace, not war.
But i didn't control myself well enough today.
Things almost got out of hand.
I stopped because i thought about yx, wt and y.
I swallowed everything down.
I hope i can do the same next time.
It's getting quite hard.

I really think you need a real attitude adjustment.
Or you're gonna die in society next time.

Met up with wenlin, carol, kexin with yixin.
It's been damn long since i last saw them.
It's kinda nice to just hang out like that with everyone shagged after training.
Just chill and talk about anything under the sun.

Feels fine rowing today too.
Life's okay.
Though it'll be better if ...

2010-06-12T23:51:00.002+08:00

Such unkind words.

I was just sharing my motivation for the following day.

You had no idea...

Whatever.
Fine then.

2010-06-10T20:19:00.003+08:00

Stan

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
Got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray,
put your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

Stan:
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or something
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; f it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours,
your biggest fan
This is Stan

Stan:
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's F UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his f-ing idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cos you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours,
Stan
P.S. We should be together too

Stan:
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim..

"Shut up bitch! I'm trying to talk!"

Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?

(Stan accidentally drove his car off the bridge into the sea trying to dodge some road block)

Eminem:
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clowning dog,
c'mon - how f up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counselling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was YOU
Damn!

Old but pretty cool song.
Though this may be a little exaggerated.
But it's really crazy how some fans can get.
I dont understand how people idolise celebrities.
They're just.. like us?
Hmm.
Pretty crazy world out there.

Pretty crazy.

2010-06-09T23:38:00.002+08:00

Got frightened by what tianchi said today.
Cause she asked me about my back.
Told her about my condition.
She said it's spreading already.
Cause she told me about her case.
And it's exactly what's happening to me now.

I keep telling myself i have 3 more years here.
But when i see how the rest row,
I feel left out.
Ah Hee keep asking me if i could row.
I dont know how to answer him.
It's not like i dont want to push.
I cant.
I thought i'll be okay not being able to row for pm.
But i want to, i really really want to.
I want to row.
I wanna feel what they feel.
The excitment, the adrenaline and the lactic.
It's so hard to just sit there and watch yknow?
I wanna join in the fun.
When i was able to push so hard last time,
I never would have thought that i could be "injured".
Not me.
Pushing for 30 strokes, 60 strokes used to be nothing.
It didn't feel like anything i felt now.
It sucks yknow?
To have to watch myself each time i do something.
To not be able to put in power.
To have a limit in something.
To stretch and stretch although i know it's useless.
I cant even row normally without power.
I cant even tap water for long.
Cant breathe properly without getting stuck.
I know it cant be helped.
Even if i cry it wont get better.
I know it sucks to be me.
Why am i so stupid to get myself injured in the first place.
I cant even cox properly.
I feel helpless in trainings.
It's really like i'm disabled.

I'm going to see a physiotherapist tomorrow.
Hopefully he'll be able to help.
Will time be on my side?
I'm really sick of myself.

2010-06-07T23:48:00.002+08:00

It feels good to be nice.
Even if it doesn't pay to be nice :)
I've been too mean.
Need to change my attitude towards stuffs.

Sometimes i think too much.
For what?
It'll only confuse myself more.
Things aren't as complicated as i think.
Things on the surface, are what they really are.
Dont need to try.
Even if there's something,
It's best that it goes unnoticed.
If life's happier like this, why not?
I'll be more at peace with everyone and everything.
:D

Will try will try :)

2010-06-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

Rainy morning.
Hang around the boathouse waiting for the rain to subside.
Ah hee MASSAGED my back today.
Guess he's really concerned.
Back was painful when i woke up.
Think the hard water killed it yesterday.
Totally never realised.
Okay, no more hard water for me.
It really sucks when i see everyone pushing and i'm just, well, stagnant.
I know it cant be helped.
Oh well.
Figured there's no point feeling down and all.
Trying to stay positive!
I mean, i got a chance to learn a little coxing.
Got to understand more stuffs recently too.
Realised i have got quite a lot to learn actually :)
Alright.
Aim for next week is: To row a 1k race set!
Back please stay strong with me :)

And youuuu.
I dont know what's happening.
You choose to just suddenly cut away.
It didn't used to be like this.
I would very much want to listen to all.
I worry about what's going on in your life.
All your friends are concerned.
Dont know if you realised that.
But you just dont want to open up.
Maybe you just lost your motivation recently?
It looks like it.
We'll help you find it back.
But you got to stop cutting away from us.
Oh well.
I need to find an opportunity.
See how.

Freeee longggg dayyyy at homeeee tomorrowwww.
Shiok shit!
xD

2010-06-01T23:18:00.003+08:00

May may was funny.
When you throw an ice on the floor,
She'll lick it till nothing,
But cause she doesn't know that ICE MELTS,
So you'll see her sniffing around,
searching all over the place for that ice she just finished.

Watched Prince of Persia today with my brother and cousin.
It's not bad :)
It has a happy ending!
Cause at first it's kinda sad that everyone around him died,
but it's cool that he could go back time to fix things.
Right, so i'm easily contented.
x)

My arms are aching from all the canoe twists that i did yesterday.
Legs are still aching like sai.
Good that there's no running tomorrow.
Hope I'm able to row!
Woohoo.

People are getting easier to work with recently.
Think is because of her good mood?
Well, hope her good mood stays on FOREVER.
Well, at least till it's over.
*prays*

And you,
I can sense your soreness.
It's kinda OBVIOUS.
You're happy this way right?
Good to hear that.
I'm happy things are like that too.
We're all much happier people.
Really.
And i know you dont realise this but
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.
Well, you had your karma.
I wish you wouldn't stay that spoilt.
Maybe i'll get along with you better.
Oh well, you're way too pampered in your richy rich family.
Maybe it really takes one to fall really hard to realise they are in wrong.
I bet you think you're still right all this while.
Well i just have this to say.
Good RIDDANCE.

I'm not being childish here.

2010-06-01T00:58:00.002+08:00

My calves feel like it's filled with internal blueblacks.
Thank god i'm still able to walk normally.
Just need to watch how i sit and be careful when standing up.
Did like a total of 12 sets of canoe twist in total?
Went for training today.
It rained for half of the training.
For the last hour of training, we were able to row.
But the boat was too full,
so ah hee took me out,
gave me keys,
told me to go back,
take care of the bags,
and do canoe twists.
I asked if i could stay and see from shore,
but he told me to go back.
I guess it's cause it was raining =x
Today I realised
1 hour of rowing = 6 sets canoe twists + abs exercises + some air rowing.

Well, i know he means well,
I weren't supposed to come anyway.
Just wanna come down cause i dont wanna miss out so much.
At least i know what they did.
Was downcasted walking back.
Was damn sian watching them row and all.
I wanna paddle in the water so badly.
Hopefully i can this wednesday!
*prays*

Massaging is such a chore.
Hands are sore, legs are painful, back feels weird.
My whole body's kinda screwed up.
But it will get well soon.
i'm trying hard to recover.

Time goes by, people change.
People drift apart.
Years of friendship dont mean much sometimes.
Many things are only, on the surface.
Oh well.
Look on the bright side of life.
Am still trying.

2010-05-30T22:28:00.002+08:00

Met up with jc clique.
Didn't wanna go at first cause my legs were still hurting like sai.
But cause this has been planned for quite a long time.
And we haven met for a longgg time.
Felt that we've grown apart.
Didn't talk much today.
Wasn't in a good mood.
Sorry if i looked really sian today.
I didn't mean to.
Just cant seem to get my spirit up.
Life kinda sucks now.

Absent for only 2 trainings.
But i feel lost and nua already.
So this is how the PA people feel x(
I wanna go rowing tomorrow.
Sinseh says as long as it doesn't hurt, means can row already.
2 days of rest enough?
It feels enough.
Plus tomorrow it's about 3 days :)
Cant run now though.
Needa give my legs some time to recover.

Something in the movie struck me.

"You may be through with the past, but the past may not be through with you."

Saw the old couple singing along the streets of orchard today.
The same old couple.
The one where we used to sit there and listen to them sing.
Oh well.
Maybe it's the wrong couple.
Whatever.

2010-05-30T13:22:00.004+08:00

Meet my new LENOVO lappy.
It's slightly smaller, definitely less bulkier, has black keyboard which doesn't collect dust and it's well, BLACK.
I'm really grateful to my uncle.
Both him and my aunt have been sort of caring for us since young.
We have been close for as long as i have ever lived.
It's nice to have close relatives xD

Woke up and thought i could go for training today.
Realised my leg muscles were horribly painful when i walked.
Couldn't go.
Was thinking i could learn to cox today.
Oh well.
Shouldn't have rub it so hard last night.
Well, i wanted to get well quickly.
Mum brought me to some injury massage for both my calves.
I got a shock cause they way she massage is horribly painful.
She knew it was painful for me,
she says the pain is good for me.
And told me to endure it as much as i can.
I couldn't believe i was lying there letting her inflict such pain on me.
Never felt such excruciating pain before.
I thought the pain i experienced at the sinseh at bedok was the worst already.
She says it's because my leg muscles were, well, all along injured.
Just that i didn't really notice it.
And it's partly because i'm a flatfooter.
Mum accompanied me.
I cried and hugged the pillow tightly.
She keep passing me tissues and felt really bad for me.
I think the lady sort of realised i was crying and didn't exert so much force on my other calf.
When i get off the bed, it felt like leg cramps.
But it's not.
After the massage she placed some really HOT medicine bags on it.
The one she placed on my left leg was too hot and sort of burn my skin a bit.
But the massage was over,
any pain after that was nothing compared to what i have been through.
Now i have a red patch on my left calf.
I hope i never have to go back there again.
Cant imagine going through such torture once more.

Legs, please get well.
Back, please get well too.
I wanna row, run and do canoe twists.
I dont wanna cox, dont wanna drum, dont wanna be deadweight.
I aint good in any of these.
When i cox, i get so nervous and stressed up i cant shout and motivate my team mates.
When i drum, i dont know how to feel the boat.
It's a much different feeling from being a rower.
Dont know why x(
I just suck in all these.

I wanna recover fully.
They're starting 1km race sets already.
Dont wanna miss out too much.
Really hope i can get back rowing.
Dont want people to have to constantly ask if i'm okay or stop me from doing stuffs.
I wanna row for ah hee.

C'MON BODY, STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND JUST GET WELL NOW, CANT YOU?

2010-05-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

I need a new book for my diary.

Other than unhappy stuffs,
i'll make it a point to jolt down happy stuffs as well.

I know why i dont feel good about my results.
Cause some of my friends didn't do well.
Wanted everyone to do well and be happier!
Well, hope everyone can work hard and we'll do well together next semester!

For now, let's enjoy the holidays and dragonboating! :)
And err, scrapbooking too yes.

I'm numb already.

2010-05-27T01:05:00.002+08:00

4.56 is now 4.49

I should be happy right?
I didn't expect to do well for some modules.
But i dont feel contented.
Dont know whyyyy mans.
Maybe i'm starting to PMS.
Oh well.
Whatever.
IT'S OVER.
Let's look forward to next semester! xD
Dragonboat first for now.
I aint recovering well roars.
Dont know how long i can afford to take it slowly.
Should totally learn to cox mans.
So that the PA people can row and the same people wont be coxing all the time =x
Eh. See hows.
Kinda afraid to cox.
=x

May may is chewing up her house.
She stopped once in a while to stare at my sister who's snoring.
Oops. =x
Hmmm.
Maybe she's waiting for me to sleep.
She may not be the cutest dog around but i still love her ttm!

Okay i think i will change my blogskin soon.

Woots.

2010-05-26T23:43:00.002+08:00

This is crazy waiting.
Should i or should i not?
Last semester was good and i believe it's due to sheer luck.
Luck doesn't seem to be on my side this semester.
x.X

-repeatedly stabs self to death-

Oh man.
Cant do this cant do this cant do this CAN DO THIS.
No point worrying or dragging it.
I mean, whatever's done is DONE.
It's kinda silly to NOT CHECK and keep worrying about it.
Might as well get it done and over with.
Right?

I'm going bonkers.
15 more minutes.

2010-05-25T23:42:00.005+08:00

Mum brought me to steam my hair today?
She says it's dry like sai.
The hairdresser trimmed my hair abit, then washed it.
Rubbed some nice-smelling thingy into my hair then proceeded to steam my head.
And it's really called steaming my head.
She placed this BIG showercap-looking thingy that connects to a tube where the steam will flow through.
There are a few holes in the showercap thingy.
I can see smoke coming out of my head.
It's really funny.
Okay maybe not smoke, steam.
So there i sat, with this humongous showercap crap on my head.
For half an hour.
Then she wash off everything.
And blowdry my hair straight.
Really really straight.
I looked weird with straight flat hair the whole day.
My MAYFLOWER friends were all laughing at me.
They thought i rebonded my hair.

Today is the first time i took the circle line and ate maki =x
Am going to make everyday a first time for something.
It's kinda exciting!
Alright.
Will sleep soon.
Training tomorrow! xD

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak.

2010-05-25T00:31:00.003+08:00

Move the hard water, move the hard water, MOVE THE HARD WATER.

Dragonboating has been FUN.
Minus the ache in my shoulders.
Am comtemplating whether i should go see the sinseh again tomorrow.
It's not really aching, just, suan again.
Hmmms.

Cant wait to finally start all the 1k sets.
Kinda afraid my shoulders can't take it.
Shall take it slowlyyy.
Stretch more.
Wont rush, wont injure it any further.
I know how to take care kay :)

Everyone's been really concern about my injury.
It's really nice.
Really thankful for all the care and support x)

Dad doesn't know about the injury.
He doesn't know about the missing laptop.
He doesn't know i aint working this holidays.
He doesn't know i'm dragonboating so so much.
He doesn't know about the 1k to be used for macau.
Cant believe i'm keeping so much stuffs from him.
Feel kinda bad.
I know he wont approve of all these.
He isn't feeling well these few days.
His intestine has been giving him problems.
Mum says he might need to be operated and the possibility of the external waste carrier bag again.
I cant help much, really dont know what to do :(
Oh god, please let my dad recover.
I want him to be healthy.
Please.

Sometimes i just feel so.. useless.
Helpless.

2010-05-23T00:07:00.003+08:00

Scrapbooking was OKAY today.
Came up with really nice ideas.
Hope everything will turn out nicely.
It's gonna be funn.

My back is getting better.
I think.
But i wont overpush.
I'll keep it under control x)
I'm glad i dont have to stop training.

I cox for the first time on thursday.
It's damn stressful can.
I'm like, playing with the directions?
Aint that easy to cox and shout at the same time.
I'll get distracted and things go haywire.
But it's a nice experience.
Should totally learn to cox more.
Just in case :)

And maybe.
Given time,
i might change my perspective.
Oh well, see how things go.

I cant survive without sleep.
Need. More. Sleep.
Argh.

2010-05-21T09:42:00.003+08:00

Yesterday i asked mich if she thinks i'm stupid.
As in, really really stupid.
Cause someone feels so.
And she wouldn't stop throwing insults at me.
I tried to filter out whatever she says.
But it's difficult when she said it in such a harsh tone everytime.
And many times, it's not like i directed the question to her.
I tried to put up with it.
But she didn't cut me any slack.
When i asked something out of concern, she fired me with an obvious answer and said in a hostile tone, "Can you stop asking such brainless questions?"
Y happened to be there and she was shocked to hear her saying that.
But i told her it's okay, i'm used to her treating me like that.
Deep down, i would say hell no.

She will always fire me with " what's you gpa huh?"
As if she didn't believe such a stupid person like myself can make it in uni.
And she really makes me wonder if i'm really too stupid to be here.
She puts me down.
She literally treats me like a dog.
It's not like i purposely said such stupid things.
I really don't know.
And you're not teaching me with your abrasive character.
I hate the exasperated look on your face when you feel i'm saying something stupid which i obviously didn't mean to.

And it's hard to tell you guys.
Cause you guys are such a nice clique together.
I dont want to spoil it.
If you all can accept her as she is,
I should be able to right?
But she isn't the one she saying all these to you, so you wouldn't understand how difficult to not take to heart what she says.
Many ocassions, none of you were there when she shot me.
Even if you were, you didn't think it was a big deal.
But it's really hurting.
I know that's just the way she is, but it doesn't mean i have to put up with her character and continue to let her insulting me time and again.
Cause i really cannot take it anymore.
And i've been bearing with this for a longgg time already.
I'm trying not to let it build up in me.
Trying to just swallow it all down.
I'm really unhappy when we are all hanging out.
Dont know when i'll accidentally step on your bloody toes.

Dont know what to do.
Tell her to stop this and start treating me like a friend?
You think it will work?
I dont think so.
I dont need a friend like that.
I just want her to leave me alone.
She's always spoiling my day.
Enough is enough.

Had some free time to myself yesterday.
Watched Inglourious Basterds.
Halfway through it, realised it's a gorey movie.
I totally dislike gore.
So wanted to switch to freedom writers,
but realised it's in my laptop.
Oh well.
Ended up watching Imagine You and Me.
I dont mind watching the same movie sometimes :)
I needed get more movies mannn.
Hmmmmm.

Sian. Scrapbook day today.

Please. Stop.

2010-05-16T14:15:00.005+08:00

And there goes training camp.
Wasn't as xiong as i expected.
That doesn't mean i'm not aching.

I got hit during team talk yesterday.
Every word that she said hit me real hard.
It's like i'm seeing myself in the future.
Cause right now, i'm going through what she went through when she was a year 1.
It scares me.
I dont want to become like her.
I wanna push despite the pain but there's got to be a limit.
I'll know it when i reach my limit.
SDBF, can row, cannot row doesn't matter to me now.
I've got 3 more years.
I want to get myself well during this period.
For now,
I'll train hard with everyone.
Dont wanna think so much.
No stress no pressure.
Try my best will do.

Am going to see sinseh tml.
I'm actually quite scared.
Cause jiayi says she got a shock when she went.
Think he'll pull some really painful stunts to me.
Oh well.
It's for my own good.
It'll get me well.
I'd go through anything to get it well.

May may was damn funny just now.
She was wagging her tail happily welcoming me at the door.
All of a sudden she started barking at me angrily.
When i went into the house, she continued barking.
I realised she was barking at the sleeping bag in my hands.
I threw the sleeping bag on the floor and she ran to the room.
She's scared of the sleeping bag monster hiding in the sleeping bag!
Haha.

Alright.
Damn shagged now.
Shall sleep before going to bbq laters!
Wont eat much though.
Wanna watch paranormal activity!

I wonder why i couldn't sleep last night.
:(

And you there.
I still do not like you.
I wish you would just leave me alone and not talk to me.
Cause i feel i deserve the basic respect as a friend.
And hell, you're obviously treating me as a joke you could jeer whenever you like.
So yeah, stay away from me.

2010-05-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

Super long day out today!
But anything beats studying.
It's so much easier to get up for anything that does not involve studying.
Finally got my shoes today! x)
Been dragging the shoes thing for super long already.
Had ben&jerry's!
A plus for the day.
I cant get enough of cookies and cream.
Always a favourite.

This holidays, think dont need to work already!
Dragonboat plus more dragonboat.
Will go and see a sinseh next week.
Meantime, hope my back can survive through these few trainings.
Training camp starts tml.
Hope it wont kill me.
Will take care.

I wanna get back my appetite soon.
My stomach shrank.
But i'm still hovering at the same weight.
I shall learn to stop thinking so much and just eat and enjoy food.
Training xin ku means got push = effective training.
Not because of the unhealthy food i ate.
I dont eat a lot of junk food anyway.
Oh well.

Hey you there.
If you dont like me, STAY AWAY FROM ME.
Dont be a bully.
There's a limit to my patience.

2010-05-13T02:37:00.002+08:00

Rowing was G-R-E-A-T today.
Really really.
My muscles weren't aching that badly.
And my shoulders/back were feeling OKAY for the first time in months.
Was smiling to myself when doing canoe twist.
I was happy and feeling goodddd.
I just needa stretch more to loosen those muscles.
And keep to my no-cold-drinks diet.
Okay but i really wanna get BnJ ice cream.
Haven eaten that for a longgggggggg time.
Yay.
Life's good today.
:)

And my laptop is gone with the wind.
To the dishonest person who took it,
Watch out,
YOU WILL HAVE KARMA ONE.
My uncle will be giving me another laptop.
I know, i dont deserve it.
But oh well.
Fretting over how to tell my dad.
Oh god.

Well, let's sleep early.
Looking forward to ben&jerry's tml!! x)

2010-05-10T12:57:00.003+08:00

Life hasn't been all that great.
And it's all my fault.

So there i was getting ready to sleep happily and getting super psyche up for training the next day.
I wanted to find my usb cable to transfer new songs into my phone.
Cable was in my laptop bag.
And i realised i dont remember touching my lapotop bag in the car.
And thus the stupidiest thing i ever did.
Leaving my laptop in hall.
No, not in hall.
Along the flight of stairs down.
Dont even know which level it is.
Mum and i carried stuffs bit by bit down.
It was my fault for not checking.
I mean, how stupid can i be?
To not check and not even realising my laptop is not in the car the entire time.
Plus i only realised it's gone on the second night after i moved out.
What the hell am i doing?
Why was i so careless?
Feel like slapping myself to wake me up.
I've never imgained something to happen to me like this.

Searched high and low at home.
Took my dad's car keys without waking him up and went to his car to check with mum.
Couldn't sleep the entire night.
Went to training feeling shagged.
Mum couldn't sleep well as well.
She felt really guilty.
Great, this is my mother's day present for her.
I'm sorry, mum.
I really am.
I'm a terrible daughter.

And things didn't just end there.
Sat night after training.
Felt really depressed.
The pain is back to haunt me.
And this time, i know it will never go away.
Pasted some tiger balm plasters hoping for a miracle.
Went to sleep without thinking so much.
Sunday morning.
Things didn't look good.
My injury is still there.
Went to training without any hope.
Rowed my non-master side.
Tried hard not to think and feel anything.
The more i try, the more i felt.
Swop to my master side.
Things are equally bad.
Asked to switch over to big boat.
Feel totally shitty with myself.

Right now i'm thinking if i should see a sinseh or go to a sports doctor.
Even if i go, i think it's gonna take quite some time to recover.
Which means i cant make it for trainings.
I told weiyi it feels like PM cup is not within my reach already.
Might have to stop training entirely.
What the hell did i do during MR to screw my back up like this?

All along, i knew it wont recover in time.
I tried hard not to think about it so i wont feel depressed during the exam period.
I just needed to come training to confirm it.
It has only been 2 light trainings and i'm feeling like shit.
I cant differentiate between ache and pain anymore.
I have 3 more years here.
It's okay.
But what if this is a permanent injury?

My teammates helped to cheer me up a lot.
Tried to laugh along with them.
But i really feel like crying inside.

Life's not going my way now.
But it's okay.
I'm used to being depressed and stuffs.
I can handle it.
Right now, this is the worst things can get already.
Things cannot get any worser.
Therefore things can only get better from now on.
I hope.
Oh, results are not even out yet.
Okay, maybe after that,
Then nothing cannot get any worser.

So yepp.
That's the start of my holidays after the depressing exams.
What a way to start huh.
You cant blame me for feeling emo.
If you were in my shoes, you will know.
But it's hard for anyone to understand.
Nobody does.
Even i dont understand myself sometimes.
Doesn't make sense?
Oh well.
Life sucks.

Mother's day yesterday.
There was a lot of food, steamboat, curry, etc.
But i only ate a little beehoon.
I've got no appetite for anything.
Was youtubing to entertain myself yesterday.
Life was okay for awhile.
Until i wake up to my unmovable back today.

Watching ip man with the rest of the dragonboaters tonight.
Actually, i've got no mood for anything.
I wanna just stay at home and feel protected.
Don't feel like going out.
Don't want to feel any pain.
But i guess, they might cheer me up a bit.
So yeah, will go.

Life, please get better from now onwards.
I've got 3 months to enjoy.
But how to enjoy it will depend on me.
I need to stop feeling so shitty and get a life.
Seriously.

c'mon.

2010-05-07T01:25:00.002+08:00

It feels GREAT to be home.
Gosh, still cant believe i'm home.

Today started with the shock of my life.
I was in the toilet.
When i pulled the toilet paper, a HUGE BUG came along out with it.
I let out a shriek and felt stupid for awhile.
Went back and ate a slice of bread.
Casslynn ate a slice too.
Then we took the second slice.
As i was about to bite it i realised there was MOULD growing at the edges.
We ate mouldy bread for breakfast.
It's weird though, we didn't taste anything funny.
Guess mould is tasteless. Yuck.
Totally ruin my appetite for the whole day.

Paper was shitty today.
Why does sbs have mcq papers with multiple answers?!
It's too hard to score! >:(
I finished the 50 questions in like an hour plus?
Was planning to check but i was so tired, i sat there with my arms crossed and slept.
Then i woke up, flip the page, and sleep again.
In the end i left 15 minutes early.
When i could leave like an hour ago =x
Oh well.
Paper was dispressing but heck laa exams are OVER.
Time to enjoy life! :D:D:D

Moving out was tiring.
Didn't realised i had so much stuffs! =x
The worst part was carrying stuffs down.
Mum and i move down bit by bit.
Climb up and down, up and down.
But anything is worth going through to go home. x)

My back feels weird.
Training will resume already.
My body is not ready yet.
Am going to take one step at a time.
Body please dont fail me!
I'll treat you better.
I promise.

It's may may's birthday x)
Does she realise she's a year old already?
Haha.
We are going to celebrate it for her tomorrow!
So exciting.

What if i cant?

2010-05-02T18:42:00.002+08:00

Just went out of my hiding hole to buy dinnnnner.
Everywhere i go, it's all ATs.
I guess ATs are the only ones hanging around ntu other than me.
Hmm, we should stop making fun of them yknow.
It's really kinda mean.
i know i'm guily too =x
Oh well.

Anyway, i went to buy bread at the ny mart.
There was these 2 ATs who were hogging around the bread corner.
So i waited for them to choose their bread so i can grab mine.
But they took AGES to choose a loaf.
Why?
Cause they keep comparing prices between 2 brands.
They went to the extent of counting how many slices and dividing the price by the number of slices to see which one is more worth it.
I stood there and practically stare.
One of them noticed i was waiting and quickly took one loaf and went away with her friend.
After grabbing my bread, being a little curious, (hello, i hadn't done anything interesting in a long time kay)
i went to check out the prices of the two loaves that wasted minutes of my youth just standing there.
And guess what?
Only TEN CENTS DIFFERENCE.
Okay i'm mean.
People are thrifty.
I have no right to criticize like this.
But STILLLLL.
Okay okay.
Stop it.

I'm officially out of snacks in hall.
Almost wanted to buy an icecream to munch.
But thought otherwise.
I've been too lazy to get out to buy lunch.
Am going to eat bread+uncle toby for lunch everyday till freedom day.
I've got 2 loaves of bread ready here.

BEN N JERRY's after exams dont care!
I've been craving for it too long already.
I wanna sing k with my family too.
They had tons of fun yesterday x(
Oh well.
It's only 4 more days.
It's gonna be one shot of consecutive papers starting from the 4th.
4th, 5th, 6th
It'll be like BANG BANG BANG, all 3 down at one go.
It's going to be fast.
It'll be fast.
Then it'll be home sweet home.
Look forward mans :)

Haha, my neighbour just walk past my room and asked if i wanna go swimming pool with her.
I gave her a confused look.
And she say she's joking she's just going to bathe.
My neighbour's kinda funny.

Oh well.
Am going to bathe before eating.
Dinner is going to be damn filling today!
The clouds are nice.
Though it's getting dark soon.
It's going to be a peaceful night tonight :)
Casslynn's coming back tomorrow!
xD

I aint happy
I'm feeling glad i got sunshine
In a bag
I'm useless
But not for long
The future
Is coming on

Music to keep me sane.

2010-05-01T13:06:00.003+08:00

Casslynn went home on thursday
Left me ALONE again.
Her side of her room is emptied out.
It's so... empty.
Oh well.
I get to use her table to study.
Shiok.
Now i've got 2 tables! xD

This is my third saturday here.
Gosh.
Cant believe i could survive till now.
Think i'm the only one at my level.
I'm a really homey person yknow.
I can nua at home for days and not see the world.
That's why i seems to have "disappeared" from the world as my friends have said during holidays.
I just dont feel like getting out of the house.
Dont know why.

I miss my family.
A lot :(
When i get back, it'll be training and all again.
Really need to find time to spend with them.
Mum has been calling about twice a day to talk to me.
Sometimes we skype.
Mum's been really great.
There was one saturday she woke up uber early, make her own way here with my brother to the ntuc at jp, bought groceries and bring it to my hall.
I could have bought the stuffs myself.
Cause she hear me saying i'm lazy to get out to buy stuffs so she thought i was starving myself.
Feel really blessed but guilty! =x
I mean, studying like that is not comparable to them working so hard for us.
Sometimes we can have fun, chill abit and just take random breaks.
But they cant.
Work is just.. work.
It never stops.
And it isn't all that fun.

And I feel bad yknow.
My brother sometimes call and ask when i'm coming home.
I know that's cause he's been bullied by my younger sis.
And i'm not there to protect him.
I miss hanging out with my brother.
We used to spend the whole day watching tv and playing the comp.
And window shopping with my sister.
And weekend breakfasts + market with my parents.
Once in a while movies with my cousins.
Oh man.
I have so many things undone!

Cant wait for post exams to start already.
And i'm only done halfway through my papers.
This is bad.
My shoulders haven't been fine.
I'm still scared i cant make it for trainings.
Trying hard not to think so much first.
But it's really hard.
Trainings start in a week's time.
I shall see how it goes when everything comes.

Oh well.
In 5 more days i can finally leave this mountain and rejoin the world!
So exciting x)
Mum's coming to help me pack next thursday after my paper.
Cant wait to go homeeeee and watch tv!
Omg omg.

Alright.
Time to nap awhile before studying.
Been having some really weird dreams lately.
I guess the reason why i need so much sleep,
is because my brain doesn't really get to rest well when i sleep.
Cause i keep having dreams.
It's been like that since young.
I thought it's normal.
But it's no good.
And i cant help it.
Mum told me taking deep breaths before sleeping helps.
But it doesn't =x
Guess it's cause i cant stop thinking about things even when i'm sleeping.
Why am i such a worryer?

Oh great.
Now i worry about why i'm such a worryer.
So silly.

NAP TIME.

2010-04-29T15:30:00.004+08:00

Halfway through my papers.
Not very bad.
But not good either.
Ahh well.
Whatever comes.

I realised some lecturers really do not know how to make good lecture notes for us.
Some of the notes really suck shit.
All pictures and no words. <----bs107
Some of the notes with words so small i need to take time to decipher each word. <---bs106
Some with words so big the lecturer scared we cant see. <---bs108 (cancer notes)
Some is when you listen to the indian guy talk, you totally understand it but when you're all settled down and motivated to study for his module, you realised his notes are only excerpts of what he said. <----bs109
Like when he say
"Elephants are so big you can die when they stomp on you."
His notes will write,
Elephants.
Big.
Die.
Stomp on you.

Suck shit.

It's so difficult to study mans.
Oh well.
I'm currently surviving on my 3-hour sleep last night.
Am going to go run tonight.
Rain, rain go away!
Training will resume on the 8th.
I've been taking calcium everyday.
Hopefully it's better already.
I really dont know.
See how it goes tonight.
Just lost the motivation to study nows.
Omg.
Need. To. Find. Motivation.

Need to nap a bit first.
Aha.
Exam sucks!
x(

2010-04-20T10:41:00.005+08:00

我很害怕。

今天不知为何又痛起来了。

我担心永远都不会好。

怎么办？

怎么办. . .

我真的很难过。

2010-04-19T13:20:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored up here.
I've decided to talk to blogger again.
Casslynn's not coming back tonight! >:(
I'm alone againnnnn.
Sian.
Was waiting for her to bring rice so i can cook today!
Lunch hows?
Am too lazy to get out.
Found a lotus bun! Shall steam and eat.
And errr, instant tomato soup.
Alright. Shall make do with these.
I've been controlling what i eat :D
It's not hard yknow.
To prevent myself from eating heaty food,
i have only bread and uncle toby's bars in hall.
Not bad, can save a lot of money.
Okay so i actually do have a packet of biscuits but i'm putting it away till my muscles are not aching anymore.
And i've been spamming so much water,
I think i went to the toilet more than 10 times a day.
Okay. Will go out to get dinner laters.
I think i look really cui.
But it's the exam period!
Everyone looks cui what.
Oh well.
I actually brought a face mask from home o.O
But it's kinda silly to do mask right.
Alright maybe when i'm really boredddd.
I watched tv yesteray.
Felt so guilty!
Tv in hall might not be such a good idea after all.
Hmms.

Yknow, i think we can save a lot of water by reusing the water which we used to bathe.
No laa, not to use it to bathe again. (Eew)
Use it to like flush the toilet.
Some people do waste a lot of water when they shower.
I think it would be a good idea if people connect the pipe which the waste water flow through to the toilet bowls.
Like that when we flush we wont be using more water.
Not bad right, can save a lot of water.
I think there are families doing this.
Someone should build this system.
Maybe i'll get my dad to contruct it.
Then he can propose it to the government and everyone will start using this.
Aha.
Then my dad wont need to work so hard to support us despite his condition anymore.
He's not feeling well nowadays.
I feel bad not being able to be of any help.
Everything's done by my mum.
I feel guilty having him pay so much for my school fees.
The only thing i can do for him is to study well.
And i better make sure i'm able to earn it back and return him everything plus more.

Okay i'm thinking a lot.
Study study!

2010-04-18T16:49:00.003+08:00

Ytd went for 推拿 with cherlyn.
It was quite an experience.
I have to say, it's pretty painful. O_O
I thought it would be really shiok.
But NO.
When he press onto those injured areas, it was hell i tell ya.
And i realised i have many ticklish spots.
It was really hard to force myself not to laugh.
I bet he could tell i was struggling not to laugh pls.
I couldn't help it, keep telling myself to bear with it and the whole ordeal will be over soon.

The uncle asked how long more will we be dragonboating.
We said about 3 more years.
He advised me to give up dragonboating for good.
I stared at him in shock.
He said my right shoulder 软骨 is injured.
I know it's going to take quite a while to recover.
Even now, i cant even do push ups without pain.
This sucks.
The thought of not being able to row anymore is ... heartwrecking.
I mean, dragonboat is the reason why i am here in the first place.
But cherlyn says that's what sinseh will always advise.
As long as we take care and recover well, it'll be okay.
I'm gonna start taking calcium everyday.
He says calcium will help.
Oh and he says i'm too heaty.
He says i drink too little water, take too much soft/cold drinks, fried+oily food..
But HUH?
Okay i dont drink much water nowadays but i definitely did not drink anything else.
And i dont take a lot of fried+oily food kay! roars.
Okay fine. Shall drink more water.
He also says my hands and feet are cold, no good, blah blah blah.
I always thought it's normal to have cold hands/feet.
I mean, the weather's cold sometimes what. =x
Oh well.
Let's drink more water, milk and soyabean milk everyday.

Kay. Enough blogging.
Actually, the reason why i blogged is because i have no one to talk to here! x(
It's been a while since i'm alone like this.
It'll be fine. Casslynn will be back tomorrow.
Alrighty.
Let's get back to the studydesk!

It's gonna be alright.
Let's not worry so much.
I can do much worrying anyway.
We'll take one step at a time, see how it goes.

Cherlyn just text me! Yay, finally somone's talking to me! Aha.

2010-04-16T22:18:00.002+08:00

It feels good to be home!
Cant wait to move back after exams.
I really really miss home :(
Oh well, it'll only be about 3 weeks more.
Just 3 weeks to endure.
Why does it seems so longggg!
*whines whines complains complains*

Think i'll book in for a full 3 weeks tml.
I'm gonna isolate myself from the world.
And blow bubbles at level 6 with loomie.
This sem isn't easy manz.
Dont think i can keep my gpa there.
It's too difficult! x(
Oh well.
Try my best will do.

100 levels of liposome quiz down
Next up, hundred levels of TQ.
(actually reach level 80 can already)
Bring it on manz!
I've got the SACRED CHEATSHEET.
*cheers*

Shall stop using comp already.
No more procrastinating!
No time already.
Let's do this!
It'll all be over in a jiffy.

So i bid mine goodbye and never knew..

2010-04-10T09:46:00.002+08:00

Okay aim was to wake up at 6 but 8 is fine too aha.

Weather was not bad! The sun's hidden behind the clouds and it's that kind of cooling cloudy weather.

Feels good to run alone on mornings like these.
It's like you own the entire road.
Nobody to stand in your way.
Back+shoulders did shit to me but heck it.
No stress no pressure.
I think i should do this more often.
Getting up early to run refreshes your brain and wake those cells up.
A good kickstart for the day. :D

I CAN complete my lab reports+assignment.

Let's go go go! xD

You're the fugitive,
But you dont know what you're runnin' from,
You cant kid us,
And you couldn't trick anyone,
Houdini, love you dont know what you're runnin away from,

Artic Monkeys!

2010-04-08T22:38:00.002+08:00

5 mins x 2 sets!

Was about to give up doing my second set, but i held on!

I realised i have this fear.

I WILL overcome this fear.

It's a must.

Hmm. Should i go home during the weekends? x.X

MB106 is killing me. x(

Not to mention lab reports.

Oh well.
Just whack.
And go!

:)

2010-04-04T00:21:00.001+08:00

休息是为了要走更长的路

I'll remember that. x)

2010-04-03T17:21:00.003+08:00

Today is sad day.
I wanna row well.
But i cant.
My shoulders refuse to recover.
And cause of that, my arms just cannot get the energy.
When i'm doing nothing, it's just suan for no apparent reason.
Training is technique check today.
Even so, my shoulders and arms are doing me shit.
Was feeling really down during rowing.
What's wrong noww?
It's like one after another.
It sucks.
I'm really really sad.
I dont have the motivation for anything now.

-hugs maymay-

Please tell me everything is going to be alright. :(

2010-03-23T01:46:00.002+08:00

My wrist is starting to hurt from rowing the past few days.
Oh man.
Please dont be injured.
I haven't got the right stroke yet.
x.X

Competition is comingggs!
So looking forward to it! xD

No time to waste time already.
One more to go before the weekends.

And we'll do it well over the weekends.

Then it'll be HOT CAKES next week! x)

Don't stop believin' :)

2010-03-19T15:51:00.005+08:00

Should have done this a longgg time ago. It's just there and i didn't notice it till i clear my wardrobe just now. Ah well, it feels good to just, yknow, tear everything up.

It kinda sucks when you put in effort in things and it end up in the trash.
I just wasn't mature enough to think right during that period of time.
Told p that if i had known that things wouldn't turn out right in the first place, i would never have gone through it and i really regretted going through it.
But then she said, well, at least you were happy during that time.

I cant help but wonder if it's worth it.
If you have known that things wouldn't work out,
is it worth going through it
despite knowing it'll freaking hurt a lot when it ends,
just for the happy moments?
Worth it just for those shortlived happiness?

Well, i guess it's all about taking risks.
Life's a gamble.
You cant foresee the future.
You wont know what tomorrow will bring.
There'll be surprises sometimes.
Pleasant ones.
Or not.
Who knows?
Oh well.
Think so much for what.

Let it blow.
Blow everything away.
Leave the space.
Leave it for something else.
Something prettier and more colourful.

'Cause I'M the one in control of my own life.

2010-03-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

This is my 200th post for this blog!

I'm getting used to life like this recently.
So far so good.
Endure it like this, and i'll be getting through life happily for 6 more semesters.
Life's fulfilling like this! x)

I'm just done with one lab report! So happy crappy! xD

And from this day on,
I'm gonna learn to look forward to everything coming my way!
That includes lectures, labs and such.
And especially trainings.
Cause' when you do that, you'll do things more willingly.
and better.

I WANT to enjoy every training that i can get.

Cause' someone told me,

nothing is ever enough
just do what we can
ultimately.
划时，心要开。
划完，要开心。
then it's mission completed

It is never too late for improvements, just make sure we do it when we realise it.

Btw, FOOD BAN IS ON. MAHAHAHAS.

2010-03-08T00:40:00.003+08:00

I've been pretty mean the past few weeks to certain people.

It's not right and it's not nice.
Oh wells.
Time to be nice.
I shall aim to be a more neutral person! xD

Aims to keep tolerance level high too.

And i cant find it in hall.
I think it's lost for good.
Oh well.
Guess it's time to just get over it.
No time to brood over it too.
x.X

2010-03-05T22:08:00.002+08:00

Dragonboat is 99% mental and 1% physical.

Think dragonboat.

2010-03-03T16:56:00.003+08:00

I'm in a mess.
I misplaced it. Somehow.

Get a grip.

I know i'm supposed to throw it away and all. I just cant do it, okay?

It's my last memory of it all after all and i just wanna keep a small piece of the episode. I'm not asking for anything else. I just want to keep it, that's all.

Tell me what's the big deal of this.
It's not like i need it.
It's not like keeping it will mean anything.
It's not like anything will change.
It's not like my life will be happier with it.
It's not like it's anything at all.

Oh godd. This is so not happening. Things just aren't going my way recently.

Maybe it's in hall.

Or maybe it's just time to throw it all behind already.

But i already did that months ago.

Someone please smack me real hard on the head.

Even so, i still want to find it.

2010-03-02T22:29:00.008+08:00

Had fun terrorizing my brother's friends at my house today. ;)

I woke up to my brother chatting on the phone with mum. Realised he switched on the aircon. I was feeling cranky from not enough sleep. So i chided him for turning on the aircon. Nag at him for not changing out of his sch uniform. Then he told me his friends are here. I look up and see 2 little boys on the bed above mine.

They stared at my messy hair and cranked-up face. Think i kinda gave them a shock when i nagged at my brother. Welll, they gave me a shock too.

I went to the toilet to wash up and stuffs. Then i felt guilty for embarrassing my brother in front of his friends. So i took a box of ferror rochers and went in the room to offer them. THEY BLOODY REJECTED ME. Think i still looked scary to them. It's so hard to get kids to like me.

They were like studying on the bed pls. Wth. P5 study ge sai.

Nah, they were just opening their books for the sake of opening. Then they went out to watch tv. And i offered them snacks agn. THEY REJECTED AGN. I even told the little malay kid it's a HALAL snack and showed him the HALAL logo. He just shook his head.

I'm no good with kids. x.X

I feel weak nowadays. I dont feel good running anymore. I keep telling myself it's okay as long as i can row my best and row it well it IS okay.

But it's not okay. It doesn't feel good when i'm dreading running. My knee's a problem but that shouldn't be affecting much. And it's not helping with this problematic throat of mine. Why cant it just return to normal agn? i wanna be able to swallow my saliva with ease, breathe properly, shout normally and sing happily.

Even sleeping with 2 pillows to try to cure my sinus is not possible cuz i cant breathe properly with my neck bent a bit. This sucks.

Sigh. I'll go back to the doc to get it well. Hope he'll be able to help.

Mixed training didn't feel as good today. I keep getting the feeling that there're people on the boat who's conserving and not giving it all out. This is bad! I must brush this feeling off. Stupid guy behind me keep splashing water cuz he recover too low. I'm mean. i'm just feeling cranky now.

Oh wells.

Met the lawyer today. He's quite friendly. He said the lawsuit thing will drag till next year. Cuz they needa do a lot of reviews, write letters to get documents and letters to insurance company and all. But the good thing is we dont have to fork out a single cent. He'll do everything for us. The lawyer fees will ultimately be claimed from the insurance company.

I want my tangy tomato with basil to feel happier. x(

And i wonder if you guys area able to sustain a ldr. It's not gonna be easy.

Not for someone like you at least.

2010-02-27T02:13:00.003+08:00

IT'S RECESS WEEKKKK.

i promise to TRY to study.

I'll be committing suicide if i waste this week away.

I've got so many movies to watch in my hands. THIS IS NO GOOD.

I've got so much stuffs to eat at home. THIS IS NO GOOD.

control control. c'mon. =x

My throat is giving me shit. Heal throat HEALLL I dont wanna go back to the doc. I dont wanna trust them on this.

Take deep breaths. Breatheee.

Cause' what's most important ultimately is still ROWING. So THAT doesn't really mean anything. Tell yourself that. Try your best will do. Dont be demoralised! Jia you!

I've been thinkin' I've been livin'

2010-02-20T22:15:00.007+08:00

You know how important cytoskeletons are in your cells? One of its function is that it provides mechanical support. Without this support, a piece of your meat will come off easily when someone pinches you.

See how cool biology is?

One more week and it'll be recess week. Everything's damn fast, let me breathe mannn!

Today was a lousy day. x(
Luckily my voice's and teeth's intact.
I really really wanna sleep.
I've wasted yet another day.
This sucks.
It's just not my day.
It's okay.
Tml will be a better day.
I hope. =x

Come into my arms may may!

-sleepy-

2010-02-16T00:17:00.003+08:00

New Year.

Had 4-5 rounds of new year goodies at different houses. It's crazy. I'll just die during evaluation.

Oh man oh man oh man.

Whatever happen to CONTROL!?

I'll run tml for sure. =x

One thing i really hate.

Can the adults just get off my ears.

What's wrong with being single?

So both my sisters are attached. SO WHAT.

Stop comparing already.

My brother is single too. But u all only ask me.

And can u please stop trying to introduce this guy as if he's the only guy who'll want me in this world.

For the last time, I AM NOT INTERESTED.

Cause' i'm just different from them.

Get it?

And i just like it this way. CANNOT ARHH?

2010-02-11T02:17:00.008+08:00

Had nydb gathering just now. It's nice to meet up with them! Glad i went despite being tired and all. Though it may not be ALL but it's good enough already! Amykok is leaving soonoon. Sadddd. I'll miss that perv!

Oh man. i cant get used to sleeping soooo late every night!

Need nice songs to keep me up.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
I'll follow you into the dark

I think death cab for cutie is nice!

Omg my stomach is growling. Oh no oh no oh no.

control CONTROL.

Let's finish this up! :D

2010-02-06T21:06:00.006+08:00

I'm sick.

I'm sick and tired of listening to certain people's excuses time and again.

Saying that you'll mean everything that you say and do what you set out to do.

In the end, it's just cheap talk.

Issit that hard?

Today i didn't run well during training. My mental just wasn't there.

I'll stop brooding over it. No point also. I'll move on and get back in shape!

Needa cut down cut down cut down someMORE. I dont mean diet. I mean cut down on snacks and such. Guess it's sort of adding to my flabbb. =x

No good no good. Must TRY.

Saw some ny rowers today. ~~Kinda reminded me of stuffs.~~

-smacks head-

idiot.

There's a lot of stuffs going on. I'm so tired i sometimes feel that i cant keep this up anymore. Wish i could just sleep it off away. But when i open my eyes, the problem still lies there in front of me. I dont know what to do.

I'll get this sour sour useless feeling inside me.

I dont wanna grow up. Nobody does. x(

Oh what's the point?

2010-01-20T23:55:00.005+08:00

A sulky face wont be one if you just keep smiling no matter what life has in store for you.

I know it's not easy. But seriously, optimism is the way to go!

I can understand it.

No matter how much i detest school,

No matter how tired i am of being tired all the time,

No matter how difficult it is to stop eating junk food,

No matter how sore i get about things,

No matter how tough it is to keep to the promises i've made to myself,

No matter how bad things turn out,

No matter how embarrassing things get,

No matter how shitty people keep appearing in your life,

No matter how much shit you've been given every now and then,

No matter how much i dont wanna keep and fold those clothes outside my room,

i'll swallow it all down and just stay POSITIVE. i'll deal with everything with a smile.

And that, my friends, is what i really wanna tell everyone!

Things may get better in the end, if it's not, just forget about it and MOVE ON. Time is precious! Save it for all the happy times instead!

Of course, you have your friends there to whine and complain to! I mean, what are friends for right?

I'm not afraid, anymore, i'm not afraid.

2010-01-15T12:02:00.005+08:00

Ytd i had a short htht session with 2 of my buddies. It was a nice chat. N said i take things too seriously and i shouldn't think so much. W said she'll try to brainwash me to adopt a more relax lifestyle here.

-Frowns

I like to do a lot of thinking. I like to just, yknow, sit there and think through stuffs. All the things i have done, stupid mistakes made, things that make me happy, the situation my family is in, people ard me who aren't happy, what i COULD HAVE done to make things better, to make people feel better.

But thinking about it and doing it is such a different thing.

Oh man. i suck.

I must really finish what i set out to do. Even the little little things matter.

Oh well. Time to start adjusting to school life. Time to get back to my normal state. I cant think too much now. It's crazy and it's stupid. I wanna get out of this mess. i want to, i want to. I need to.

I'm trying. I'm still trying. But why is it so difficult?

It's that letter. Why is it so difficult to just... throw it away? It means nothing. It never meant anything. Everything written inside is FOS.

But i dont feel the same way everytime i read it.

C'mon, just try doing your tutorials now.

2010-01-04T14:00:00.005+08:00

Oh man! I cant believe sch is starting soon! But i think we did spam enough outings during the holidays so yay!

I really really loveeeee the penang trip. Ever since then, i could interact more with people on the team. Okay, maybe it's my nonsense but at least it beats not talking at all right? Maybe i'm a bit too noisy. Alright, will try to tone down a bit moree! Anw i'm not always like that. Only when it's stress-free/exam-free! But since sch's gonna start soon, i dont think i'll have much time to play. Sad life.

Training camp's tml! Gonna go back hall and do some spring cleanning! (I hope i have time)

And in just a few more days, someone's turning 20 soon.

I hope i wont get the drain. Or tao-pok.

It's crazy when it's your birthday, It's like everyone's out to get you. And that aint right! >:(

Oh well, i'll choose to believe everyone's nice. They've been nice all along! xD

Dont know what's wrong.

I kept looking and looking.

And look some more.

It aint right.

It aint good.

But time does heal everything.

So i believe it'll do so once more.

Goodbye S. I want you out, since a long time ago.

And hello there.

I hope we'll get along just fine! :)

BE NICE ppl. Play nice. Rough aint nice. Get this right.

2010-01-01T15:02:00.011+08:00

Hello to my new skinnn! Though it doesn't really suit me but to heck with it. I've done a new skin, that's that.

You know, last time i didn't understand how is it that people can have so many past relationships. How is it that they're able to let go of the one they just had and move on to the next.

Now to think of it, it's quite possible actually.

You may never forget that person. Maybe you'll feel angry and upset at first. But in time to come, you'll erase all the bad memories and just want to remember the wonderful ones. Maybe a new person comes along in your life. With this new person, you'll aim to build even better memories. What's left of the past relationships will only only be a memory. And you must never forget that.

You'll learn to move on quickly when your heart's been broken more than once, or rather, when your heart's been broken so badly once. And it's so bad that no other heartbreaks will ever be amount to be as painful as this one. It takes time, a longgg time to overcome this one but once you're through with it, you'll become braver.

And that's how you get stronger, that's how you'll learn to move on quickly. The only bad side to this is that you'll never forget this person that made you stop believing in love. You might forget the rest, but not this one. This person has left a hole in your heart that no other person can ever fit in.

And it sucks to know that to this person, you're just a fling. Yes, a fling.

Mum's been complaining that i've been feeling so so moody! She warned me not to hide things from her. I'm not. I'm just.. tired i guess.

My horrible brother is chasing may may around with his toy car. I should go stop him now. My chao dog might go mad. Aha. :)

2009-05-30T21:07:00.003+08:00

OMG. I received Bangla ong's invitation to her birthday party!

Wanna see?

Here it goes!

Dear all,

Your highness Ong Ruolin aka snow WHITE cordially invites you to her 19th year old birthday bash this coming June 7th 2009, Sunday.

The details are as follows:
Date: 7 June 2009
Attire: Dress (and nothing less)
Venus: Yew Tee MRT (all are you are to gather there and commoner leader Weiyi will escort everybody to the palace)

Things to Bring: Present for the Birthday girl

***In order to match up to the standards of princess snowie, all of you are expected to be appropriately dressed and demonstrate proper manners to her highness at all times or you will have no rights to attend the party.

PS. Pls RSVP your attendence latest be 2nd June 2009. It can be via sms or email.

FAQ

Q: Who is Weiyi?
A: Just a commoner leader. I will also be there to pick u if u are on time.

Q: Can i don't wear dress?
A: NO

Q: What if i failed to wear dress to attend the event?
A: There will be a forfeit. Believe me, it's not some chicken dance.

Q: If i can't reach there on time?
A: Please state that you will be late and the time you are able to attend the function in your reply.

Then msn with the BANGLA.

ruolin says: u can come right

WAN PEI . says: ya

rmb to wear dress

i dun have princess dress leh
im a commoner
can lend me?
x)

i allow u to wear commoner dress

i tell u i dun hav dress alrdy
mayb i ask cinderella, see her animals can help me sew one not

haha

i just called cinderella. she says she hates u. so she's not giving me a dress

i can lend u my RED RIDDING HOOD dress
i seriously got

i dun want
so red

i wore that for my sec prom

i'll look like ang pow

yar

oops

THN U LOOKED LIKE ANG POW!

Ta-da. Got it from weiyi. xD

2009-05-05T20:16:00.007+08:00

I went to buy a NEW PHONE. Super happiness. Will be getting it in 3 days or so? i hope. =x After buying it, i was pretty happy with life. So i decided to buy ice cream for my brother. I told him to choose. Of all flavours, he had to choose the sweetcorn one. (Cuz i secretly wanted to kope some from him and i wanted the chocolate/choc chip one) So i argued with him for a while in front of the uncle. In the end, i gave in and told uncle to give him the sweet corn one in chinese. Thn i said to him softly "Go home i cane you!" (I was jus joking. There isn't any cane at home. And i'm not that horrible to my brother pls) The uncle stared at me in disbelief. Thn i realised and told him i bluff my brother to scare him.

Thn the uncle started lecturing me leh. Saying i'm a big sister, cannot anyhow bluff my little brother like that. Made me super paiseh. Thn my bro dropped half of his ice cream when eating leh. so when i was going home soon, i told my brother "eh, the uncle say cannot anyhow cheat ur feelings. so i'm going to buy a real cane."

I saw that raisin uploaded some of the photos from db bbq. and i'm going to show everyone how much she loves me.

Ah-HA! And she always claims that she hates me. muahahas. Evidence evidence! (Her shirt says FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE WITH WANPEI) Actually, her monday to thurs and weekends' shirts say the exact same thing!

I just realised certain ppl in my workplace rocks so i'm looking forward to work tml! xD

2009-05-03T00:00:00.003+08:00

I looked carefully at my bro's hair ytd and realised he anyhow cut his own hair! My mum thinks so too. See.

A horrible straight cut. He keeps denying. But it's so obvi0us. Maybe he wanna grow up and be a barber. Thn cut straight bangs for everyone. That's pretty scary.

I'm working at ICA. Get to view ppl's passport photos and laugh sometimes. Kinda mean. It's not a bad job at all! There's a lot of freedom. There's free macs and drinks on every sat for my dept. I'm one lucky shit. x)
(stop stalkin me everywhere casslynnssss!!!! I'll go nuts.)

Dun be sad u dun enjoy the free stuffs at level 5 amykok. My level 2 rocks!I guess it's becuz u're mean to me most of the time. I actually lent u a cutie owl shirt to cover urself so that u wont feel cold at the beach bbq. Now u're naggin at me to take my pretty shirt back and claim that it's ugly. U even threatened to drill a hole down from ur level to my level so that u can throw my shirt down to me. Horrible person.

The free stuffs (i ain't taking for AMY) at my workplace!

It's free lunch on monday agn. yipee.

So little time. x(

2009-04-22T12:26:00.003+08:00

I'm jobless now. Needa find a job to pass time. Tv-ing + Comp-ing the whole day can be quite tiring too. I feel lazier and lazier at home. So lazy that when i cant reach the tv remote, i'll wait for my bro to come home from sch to get it for me. Argh.

But i accomplished sth ytd. I went jogging. When i was cooling down i noticed the goal post in the middle of the field and was wondering if i could reach it. So i walked over and tried. I realised i could touch it! So i jumped up and did 2 chin-ups! Haha. Not that weak still after all. Thn i noticed some weird ah mas at the track staring at me. So i did 2 more and quickly went home.

Did a sneaky thing the other day. I was on my way to the bathroom when i saw a pretty nice slice of mango and i couldn't resist it! So i dig a couple of holes and went to bathe.

Quite funny.

My angry sister scoping out the remains of the mango, eating it with her nasi lemak.

I guess it's not safe leaving food lying ard the hse. There're quite a number of monsters in the family. My brother, my sister and me! x)

On the way to find bak kwa now! He needs help with maths :D

I really need a job. x(