Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Had a great day today :)Today is a new day for the start of happy things!
Sometimes you just need to be realistic.
Everything will fall into place eventually.
Believe so?
And the bastards they will fall
To the ground
Splitting hairs and taking bites
Trying always, to belong
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
22:01
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Fredericks.Yes, sir?
I think we might also start working on legislation to outlaw that haircut of yours.
Uhm..You don't like it, sir?
No one likes it. Apart from blind people. And I'm sure even they can sense its profound ugliness as it passes by.
I like the way they talk ahaha.
I wanna watch MORE SHOWS..
Well, i guess maybe even YOU have changed D:
How to deal with this?
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
22:33
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Everybody's changing and I dont feel the same.I can't cope with this.
What's with everyone's attitude?
Needs to relax.
I can do this!
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
20:53
Monday, September 19, 2011
Trip was real fun!Learnt a great deal of things.
Next time can plan my own trip liao.
Okay i need to control my temper and be more tolerant.
Dont know why.
Cant seem to control certain thoughts and feelings well.
Is it cause these are all unfamiliar people?
Dont really like some of their personalities.
I mean, it's not like i have a very good character right?
Everyone has flaws.
Need to understand that.
Argh.
Dont really like changes in my life.
Right now everything is neww.
Kind of not used to it.
Oh well.
Perhaps i just need more time.
It's FREEZING here i want to cry.
Am suddenly thankful and grateful to my mum for forcing me to bring all these thick coats.
Kind of make me not want to bathe everyday.
But it's kinda gross.
Imagine all the dead cells accumulating on your body surfaces.
Ayeeee.
Just suck it up and bathe i guess.
Oh man.. so cold!
Wanna cuddle in my bed under the quilt and not get out of bed at all.
Arghhhh, not possible.
My right ankle-calf realy hurts a lot.
It's gotten worse.
Think it's cause i trip over things a few times while walking on the 2-weel trip.
Maybe sprain it a little?
Haven really given it time to recover.
How to?
Have to walk to a lot of places man.
It's swollen now goodness.
Oh man.
I hope it recovers soon.
:(
Argh SO COLD BRRRRRRRRRR.
Kinds miss people in singapore akready
:'(
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
07:04
Friday, August 19, 2011
You will never understand how much hurt you've inflicted.
And whenever it comes to this,
how much i wish i could just disappear
And not be the punching bag.
Let's hope you wont realise
That a punching bag can eventually burst too
When you do more than just punching it.
You take a knife and cut it through and through.
And that's what you're really doing.
And when it burst,
will you ever regret?
I swear.
That i can go beserk.
And pull everything apart.
Dont make me.
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
23:08
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Holidays~
Wheeeeeee.
Working part time currently.
Pay's not that great, but ah well,
Work's quite simple,
Have got quite a few colleagues to talk cock with.
Oh well
at least it's something.
Am excited about flying off on 1st sept!
London riots are not stopping me
>:)
I foresee myself missing everyone here terribly.
Oh no..
Well,
it's not as if i'm going for SO LONG.
(kinda feels long though)
Aiya, see how laa.
Rowing these days.
Quite painful
I cant run
I cant row properly
I think it's good to take a break for a while
I know it'll take really long to get everything back.
But, let's worry about that till then then.
Enjoy life first! =x
Chao stomach refuse to recover.
Is it cause i dont take dinner sometimes?
Damnit.
Shall just keep popping pills.
Ah wellllll.
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
22:01
Monday, August 01, 2011
Hadn't had a proper MEAL since i touch down.Goodness, it's been what, 3 days alrdy.
Dont know.
Just dont have the appetite for anything
No rice, no noodles, no nothing.
Totally dont feel like eating.
Strangely, my gastric isn't acting up
Which is a good thing!
I dont even feel hungry when i wake up.
Weird.
Is it cause i eat too much in Netherlands?
Hmm, quite unlikely.
Hope i can start eating properly again.
Mum's birthday today.
Had a row with my sister just now.
Luckily mum didn't hear.
There are things i just dont understand about her.
What is going on inside her head exactly?
I'll never understand.
Sigh.
What can I do to get everyone to understand things.
I cant.
Dont know what to do.
I want to run away.
Soon.
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
22:33
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Mum was sharing with me some yin and yang storyI get what she's driving at.
I guess she's afraid cause both my sisters' love life is like O.O
And mine is just X.X
She's worried if I'm for yin instead
But oh well.
Not that it's a good thing for them.
They're both a mess really.
Looking at them and some of my friends,
it really doesn't give me much faith in relationships
So why bother right.
Save all the quarrellingcryingshoutingsadness right
I've seen enough.
And i really dont want to go through all that
I mean,
it's nice to have someone..
But going through shit TWICE is enough for me
Kind of not want to put myself in such messes again
It sucks.
To be played a fool first and go through nonsense for the second
And oh well
UNI+DB NO TIME LAA
Ya so back to the yin and yang thing
Like what the hell right
She made it so awkward in a way
I just said i'm not looking for ANYTHING right now
Who knows what will happen in the future right.
Nobody can say for sure.
Oh well.
I really dont know.
Not really worrying abt it anyway.
I'll just wait.
Meantime enjoy every moment of singlehood :)
Finally handover aph stuffs to the rest!
I dont feel very relieved though.
Cause the future is worrying.
And i really dont know how to go about improving things.
I still wanna be there for everyone.
But aye.
I want a break from my family a while.
It's a selfish thought.
But i feel so frustrated and unhappy many times.
And i cant really tell it to people.
Cause no one will understand.
I always wonder why i'm so troubled
Is it cause i'm just such a person?
I need to stop thinking so much.
Let's go and see some windmills! :D
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
10:14
Sunday, July 17, 2011
No one's online for me to disturb.Life is so boring.
Wonder where's everyone.
I'm like scrapbooking diligently at home.
Went to run this morning.
Haven been exercising for a while.
Feels nua.
Wanted to do an hour run but I couldn't.
Ran 13 rounds in 33 mins.
Goodness.
That's really slow.
While running today, the song 'stereo hearts' was playing and i noticed the song was playing especially slow.
I dont know why.
Now it sounds okay leh.
It was like i was listening it in slow-motion.
Weird.
Then at the 10th round, I could feel my stomach churning.
Haven had breakfast.
How to eat and then go run?
I'll get stitches please.
But yeah, I could feel my gastric acting up again.
Damn.
I never had gastric like these few months.
I guess the break between meals were too longg.
Sigh.
Usually i can stay up whole morning without eating anything.
Now i cant.
Ran till i couldn't anymore then walk a bit.
Did push ups (cui)
Did abs but my gastric got worse after the first set so i had to stop.
Life sucks!
Cut down on rice these few days.
I'm below 50 now! woohoo.
Shall continue to exercise.
But i'm gonna be so busy these few days.
Goodness.
Let's see.
Today
Run---------------------DONE
Bathe May May---------DONE
Bugis to do isic card
Shopping for clothes D:
PACK for AMSTERDAM
Settle travel insurance
Fix my specs
Deposit lots of $$
Scrapbook
Monday
WORK
Call celine to see when i can meet her
SAO
Tuesday
WORK
Wednesday
Meet up for scrapbook
Physio
Meet up with all aphs for handover WOOTS.
Thursday
Flying off to amsterdam at nightttt wheeeee
Oh man.
I wanna watch transformers though.
How to squeeze time in?!
By the time i come back, i dont think it's showing anymore.
Maybe i could watch it on the plane?
:(
Kinda wanna meet up with everyone :(
Oh man, my gastric is acting up again.
Shall go swallow pills now damn.
I'm not going to let it spoil my day!!
>:(
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
11:13
Friday, July 15, 2011
I just pulled myself out of my dream.In the dream something/someone really frightening was gonna appear.
I wanted to run away so much from it when it appears that i couldn't breathe for a while and started gasping till i was awake.
Could hear may may barking at my sudden gasping noises.
She barks to foreign noises she hears when she's sleeping.
Think i gave her a scare.
Awww.
-hugs may may-
My heart's still beating really fast now.
Alright let's just breatheeee.
Today i pulled a young schoolgirl from a closing mrt door.
The train was really packed and i was standing near the doorway.
When i looked up, i noticed her shoulders were too far out.
The next thing i know,
the door closed and i immediately went ahead and pulled her in
But her shoulders got hit a little still.
Wonder how the people around her failed to see that.
It was so obvious she was gonna got kiaped.
Almost half of her body was hanging out.
Oh well.
She was very grateful.
She thanked me and thanked me again after she got off.
It felt kinds good to help someone.
Haha.
I've always like to help strangers in need.
Especially old people.
Maybe cause i feel i've let down mine.
I dont know.
Maybe.
I'm always filled with guilt when they thanked me and say what a kind girl I am.
Cause i know i aint.
Not to my ah ma.
Someone who has raised me up for almost all my life.
I still want her to rmb me yknow.
I dont want her to ever forget me.
I've always been the closest to her.
We will play the piano for hours,
draw lots of random stuffs.
She always like to edit our drawings.
I still keep some of them.
Though the adults threw away most of them,
saying there's no point keeping.
We will listen to songs with my little player.
Sometimes when i see that she's bored,
I will turn on the tv and play the operas for her and force her to sit and watch.
She always say she's busy and she cant watch.
But i know she wants to :)
When i reach home from school,
I'd always look forward to lunch cause she'd cooked my favourite dishes.
Even though it's just some simple dishes,
no one can cooked it like she can.
It never taste the same.
Too bad.
I cant eat them anymore now..unless..
Oh well.
I'll ll always rmb the taste of my ah ma's dishes.
I'll never forgive myself for the times i treated her badly.
Like getting frustrated with her.
It aint her fault.
She's old.
And i keep telling myself that.
But i couldn't control my anger.
As time goes by, the more i try to swallow everything down,
the more depressed i get.
Cause i hated myself for feeling so frustrated with her when i'm not supposed to.
Many times i wanted to go and apologise to her.
But it's so hard.
She's very forgiving.
Despite all that has happened,
she continue to take care of us,
even though it's not the right way to do so.
but cause she's old.
And my dad's real sick.
Since young he has had issues with her.
It's one of our family dark secrets.
I guess I could understand why dad's temper like that.
It aint his fault he's like that.
I love him no matter how he is.
Cause he's my father,
and he has donw everything he can for his family and then for us.
Even though..
Woah.
I should stop.
This is never going to end.
Adults.
I dont want to be like them in the future.
Yet I'm growing up to be.
Oh well,
let's stop all the unhappy thoughts.
It's the holidays!
And i'm going amsterdam.
Like soon.
Should totally enjoy it.
Hmm.
Well, i'm kinda missing people alrdy :(
if you cannot change sth, live with it.
23:58